What's Your Favorite Color?

I agree with every person I hear say, "Color doesn't matter....it is who the person is." True to an extent though. Color does matter. I believe that every individual I have heard make this statement (or "I don't see color") is a white person. Not that it is bad. It should be true. The skin color of a person should not matter. But there is division. Color does matter. It is unfortunate in some cases.............but mostly it is WONDERFUL!!

Having difference is WONDERFUL!!

Being Unique is IMPORTANT!!

Shoot if we are honest.........there are lots of folks who ADD color to make their experience different - to stand out - to make sure that the color is SEEN. Tattoo's? They are everywhere these days. My 9 year old son's ever changing hair colors? Difference is beautiful...........Difference is sought after..........Difference is an art form...........so why are we claiming to not see a Difference when we should really be embracing it? It is totally confusing to me.

What does a person mean when they say "I don't see color?". My guess is for most it is a way of saying "I am not a racist." Which is good. I mean to not be a racist is good. But in saying that you don't see color you may also be saying that you don't see their difference. And I will put this in a white person perspective because I am a white person. When I look at a person I relate them to me - to my experience - to my life. I am white. If I am looking at a person who is any other race or color then I am erasing something important about them. I am white washing them so to speak. Their experience being NOT ME. Their experience being a different race. And the argument would be absolutely correct to say that I am doing the same exact thing for the person who is of the same race I am. They have a completely different life experience and I have erased it by first putting them in my own experiential history. Does that make sense? I will never have the same experience that another person has. But to say I don't see color is not fair to the person I am erasing the color off of - regardless of what race they are - same or different then my own.

Embracing the thought that another person's color represents their experience........their family culture........their neighborhood culture.......their personality........their history.......their Themness.

The other day I asked my 5 year old what his favorite color was. I know his favorite color. Blue. And I fully expected to hear him say, "Blue. Maudy you know my favorite color is blue." But I am one of those moms who likes to ask the same question over and over again. Making notes of the things that might be answered differently.

That day he surprised me. When I asked what his favorite color was he did not say Blue - instead he said, "Brown." I said, "Why is your favorite color brown?" He said, "Because I am brown and my E is brown." His E is his best friend that lives down the street. E is brown just like my son. Then he added, "Brown is my favorite to be Maudy, but I like your color too."

He see's the difference and he is 5.

What's my point? Ummmm.....well I suppose my point is SEE THE DIFFERENCE.....Embrace it....don't try to make it go away........Maybe it we all can accept that we are not all the same we can start really seeing each other.

But I Bet He Was Never Taught This

I know I have talked about BigGuy A LOT. Because he is my husband..........it kinda lends itself to having to do that. Then there is also that he is my Best Friend. And because he is there for most of the things that I do so part of it. Although that last part he might rather get to duck out of a few times - because let's be honest about me - I ask a lot of questions in reference to feedback on things that I am doing.....and sometimes I can be critical of the feedback that I personally solicit. I don't mean critical of the person who gives the feedback - or really that I am saying I will debate the feedback - just that I want to pull it apart and analyze it so that I know EXACTLY what the person means ABOUT the feedback if it isn't "OHMYGOSH THAT IS THE COOLEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE".......although I am talented enough to be able to pull comments like that apart too enough to drive the person that has said it insane.

"Why is that the coolest thing ever?" "What are you comparing it to?" "How was that NOT the coolest thing ever" "Was it due to color, flavor, time it took" "Are you saying this because we are friends" "Will you be totally honest if I let you try this"

CB, SH, SS, JB - they all know about this barrage of questioning that I can do. Right friends? However, I also have the skill set to be able to tell when NOT to question (er interrogate) someone.

So needless to say BigGuy is trained in having to deal with my questioning and having to deal with the different hings that I throw his way. Who knows - maybe he was trained from birth to take this kind of feedback requesting on by his mom. I mean maybe this ability to ask for feedback until the person passes out is not special to me - maybe this is skill many woman possess and just few ask for my feedback (hmmmmm maybe I should ask feedback on this). BigGuy was raised by his mom and 2 sisters - so perhaps he is just fluently well versed in all that is WOMAN.

But I bet he was never taught this.

No one can teach a Dad to be a great Dad. It just happens. If the child they are dad to is lucky the Dad learns the Greatness early on. My memory of growing up was pretty much that there were A LOT of things about Girls that Boys didn't know - that Boys didn't want to know - that Boys were basically taught to avoid - that Dad's did not help Girls with - that Dads pretended didn't exist (not just my dad) - that Girls just did not have their Dads as part of. And honestly - some of the topics Moms were not great at addressing either (not just mine).

BigGuy is great at all of it. BigGuy also wants to be part of all of it. Which is probably what makes him great at it.

SuperStar had a milestone occurrence in her life. This is my way of hinting at what MAY have happened as I have sworn I will not SAY what has happened. But mind you - she has developed a new sense of growing up. Now I have heard few friends talk about this process unless I directly ask...........see the above section on asking for feedback on things. It seems to me as our daughters enter this phase of development we should be clinging to one another - both to usher them into this phase of their life as a "group of supportive woman" who celebrate them as they cross the thresh hold (I mean honestly.....we are throwing parties for giving up binkies, for not using diapers, for having dry beds, parties for the first day of preschool, full scale graduations for the last day of preschool, gifts for lost teeth.....we celebrate EVERYTHING.....then a girl has her first "time" and we all scatter under rocks and pretend like this is an event worthy of embarassment instead of embracement. This particular development is what will continue the world - it is life giving - maybe if we throw a party for IT woman will regain some of their status and men won't have .........anyway we can go into that later I suppose). My point is - celebrate this milestone for your daughters a bit more excitedly then the giving up of the binkie - it means a lot more.

So SuperStar hit this milestone. It was a big big deal to me......and probably a bigger deal to her - maybe - maybe not. But one of the coolest things in my eyes is that BigGuy made sure he was part of it too. Granted he wasn't given much space NOT to be part of it........but it didn't matter because he WANTED to be part of it. For instance - a few months prior to it happening I was cleaning SuperStar's room and found some unwrapped items with a deep red color on them. Surprised and since she was standing next to me I yelped that she should have told me. She responded with, "oh I was just practicing with makeup". Did you practice? Yeah, me either. Let's give her creativity points for that. A week or so later I told BigGuy about that. Before I could say it was just practice he chided me for not telling him so he could be part of it. Sweet right?

Let's skip forward to the "day of". She came home and told me - that was the day. I listened to the tale of what happened since she was at school and reported it to a male teacher and it was kinda funny to picture........then when she went off to her room I called BigGuy. He picked her up flowers and brought them home. He hugged her and congratulated her and made himself part of the whole experience - minus explaining and shopping for supplies. Then we took her to dinner out where she choose to go - St. Louis Bread Company (not my choice for such a life changing event, but my kids don't get out much I guess). We took the boys too and when they asked WHY we were celebrating SuperStar we told them........and when TheMan said he wanted to go to some restaurant when he had his we explained that he wouldn't be experiencing this development.......and when he complained how unfair that was I thought to myself.....that is as it should be - he should see this particular life gift as something that he should be envious of because it is a gift and not a burden.

I am Lame Enough To Make My Next Post a Link To Another Blog

So I am totally Lame Enough that after weeks and weeks of not posting I would make my next post a Link to a Blog that my friend, PG (funny she is 1 P short of being me - PPG - maybe that is why I like her so much), forced me to read and laugh so hard I cried while doing it.

Hyperbole and a Half - funny funny funny. PG sent enlightened me to the posting from December last month. First time I ever heard of the blor or read the blog. As I was reading it I started to giggle - this drew TheKing's attention - he came in and asked what I was giggling at. I showed him the blog - which has drawings that accentuate the story, but that are drawn to look much like children's drawings. At first TheKing laughed looking at the pictures and wanted me to read the story to him - but even though I read out loud the story was lost on him. So he wandered away.

I read on.

Not long after I continued reading I started to actually laugh out loud (LOL for those of you who no longer understand completely written out words due to excessive texting). TheKing wandered back in wanting to know what it was making me laugh out loud (LOL). He looked at the computer - evaluated the pictures and said, "That isn't funny Maudy." (Maudy is his name for BigGuy and I - just like we call the kids a garbled mixture of their 3 names due to confusion of which we are addressing - TheKing does the same with us - Maudy - Maummy + Dauddy = Maudy). His not thinking the hilarious blog was funny made me laugh harder. He stared me down. Like really stared me down - like I was totally in trouble. I tried to explain the point of the story, but it was unexplainable to a 5 year old. So instead I laughed harder. He got a bit flustered I was laughing. Probably confused as to if I was laughing at him or with him, but the story was funny and his inability to understand it seemed to make it funnier. Eventually I was laughing so hard I started crying.

This made TheKing really mad and he said, "You need to go to your room and control your motions."

Which of course made me pee my pants.

All that said here is last months Hyperbole and a Half post. After you read that read this months - it is just as funny!

Hyperbole and a Half - The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas