The following is a letter I sent today to our regions Girl Scout Council. Although I have begun to see the door to Self-Esteem Crushing Years slowly opening - last night I watched and listened as the door began to show what is on the other side. Right now the room looks fairly bleak.....but with some hope. In sharing this letter I am not attempting to find solutions from you all (although please I welcome them) - more I am just sharing where we (SuperStar and I - BigGuy too) are in the process of raising kiddo's. Some parts are hilarious and some parts are kinda saddish.
Hi Ladies -
Last night I came upon SuperStar crying in bed. Apparently that day she had been having a conversation with some kids at her school about the "Food Chain Order" in their school. One girl listed the girls who are at the top of the food chain - the boy listed the boys - and then they listed themselves and others at the bottom of the food chain. And they said that is just the way that it is. SuperStar didn't say where she was listed - although I know most of the after school activities she does are with the girls who were listed high - and then one of her best friends was a girl who listed herself as at the bottom. My guess is she views herself in the middle somewhere.
Anyway, we talked about this. She is more often finding that she tries to entertain others to "fit in" with them and due to it is starting to lose herself and lose her comfort (self esteem) with herself. We talked about how when you have to pretend to be someone you aren't comfortable being - you also tend to feel uncomfortable with who you are. I explained to her that the one thing Facebook has taught me is that all the people that I thought were "better then" me in high school and on the high end of the "Food Chain" were apparently thinking the same thing about me - that I was cooler then them and more popular. That everyone is trying to fit in and in working so hard to do so they are making themselves feel crazy and not good enough. So we talked about how important it is to be comfortable with who you are first - and then find friends who love that person - and that if you find yourself trying hard to change to be part of a group, most likely that is the wrong group to be in.
Still not really buying it - I had Andersen rank herself on a scale of 1-10. She scored herself a 5. We then took our cat, Barkley, and I gave her all of SuperStar's achievements and shortcomings and had Andersen rank our cat. Barkley scored a 9. Then SuperStar smiled, giggled and things were better.
Now why do I tell you all this? Well through the conversation Andersen said that a few of the girls who consider themselves on the lower end of the "Food Chain" are saying that this is their last year for Girl Scouts. That when they go into Jr. High they will be leaving the troop because it will no longer be cool to be a Girl Scout and they will need to join other things to keep from being considered "uncool".
I remember talking about this at some point - maybe it was when I was asked to come up with thoughts during that round table meeting thing last year where I sat in the audience with all of you as the board members discussed plans. But I do remember talking about things that you hoped to develop to get older girls excited about Girl Scouts. I also know that hearing it from me is important - but hearing it from an outside source that will get them excited is even better.
So is there anything? Is there a troop of older girls who might take my 5th graders to do something - show them that it can be cool to continue to be a Girl Scout in Jr. & Sr. High? Talk about how the achievements will carry over into the college careers - business careers and other areas?
I know it is bound to happen that as the girls get more options of things to do in the upper grades time will be stretched and things will change - girls will drop out. But I want them to drop out because they have found other interests they love and want to do - not because they think they will be branded with a Scarlet "GS" and considered a dork for life. Can you all help our troop in this?
Thanks -
HalfPint
Like I said - some parts are kinda "saddish". SuperStar is going to be a winner no matter which path she chooses, but sometimes I worry that BigGuy and I will miss the signs of the Self-Esteem Crushing that happens for both young girls and young boys. Fortunately I caught this one.......but what about next time? What about when they stop sharing stuff? Yikes I don't even want to think about all that!
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