Always from the Backseat

Is Back Seat 2 words or 1 word? Backseat......Back seat? Hmmmmm.....well honestly trying to figure that out is really just procrastinating. Procrastination is BigGuy's thing usually, but today I am borrowing his procrastination skill because there was a topic I could not put to the side when it came up........while I would love to talk to someone about it that wasn't possible.......I did email with BigGuy about a bit, but can't think of who is available to really listen to me ramble - so I thought I should blog it out so to speak. Now I am finding it hard to talk about......but I should talk about it - or type about it - same thing kinda. Aren't there songs that say that - writing it down on paper keeps it from eating you up inside? I could go look for that song and the correct wording - I am sure I have the CD - I think it might be Breathe by Anna Nalick.........but really looking would be procrastinating more....so I won't.

What is my problem? I knew this issue would come eventually? This isn't even the start of it. This has come up several times before. Always from the backseat. BigGuy put it well, "Why does this make me so uncomfortable? I’ve known for more than 5 years that we can’t hide the fact that he is adopted. I’m regularly reminded by others of how obvious it is. In my heart I want to protect him from any form of difficulty, but in my head I know I have to be prepared for the reality. His story will not be like SuperStar’s and Spidey’s. But SuperStar’s and Spidey’s won’t be exactly alike either."

TheKing is getting to that age. He is noticing the differences. He started by making the obvious statements of color. He said he was "black" and I was "white". Then the questions started, "Why am I the only brown kid?".

Each question seems to be stated when he is sitting in the backseat of the car. Funny he has figured out that it is easier to deal with things when you aren't looking them directly in the eye.

We were riding home from school today and from the backseat he asked me why he is the brown kid and I am the tan mom. See for TheKing BigGuy is "white" and he says that I am "tan". He has told me that I could be "brown", but that I am not. I am "tan". Today I asked him what he meant trying to draw the conversation out until we could get out of the car and sit and talk face to face. He wanted to know why he is a different color. So I went straight for the truth. "I didn't give birth to you." "What is birth, Maudy?".......perhaps I stepped into that, but honestly the way I see it the first step to understanding it all for real is understanding where babies come from. Explaining "birth" to him wasn't so easy though. There was my explanation of a baby growing in a woman's belly......there was his questions of the difference between a baby and a toddler....there was his segue into why you call a toddler a toddler....my explaining the learning to walk part of toddle....and his talking about how he wondered if a baby would be scared to fall down a staircase or about having a monster eat it. Both of which I agreed a baby should be frightened of.

and then we were home.

I remembered the handy Usborne book that has tons of stories of "firsts" in a childs life. A baby coming home being one of the stories. So we sat down to read it and better understand where babies come from. I don't think TheKing has ever watched a woman through pregnancy like SuperStar and Spidey did. He found the pictures of Mrs. Usborne pregnant and then after giving birth to Susie very interesting. We flipped back and forth and back and forth looking at the difference. Then we flipped to the page where Susie's brother and sister come to visit her for the first time.......in a shared hospital room (must have been in Europe)........and the couple next to Mrs. Usborne's bed (who was caucasian) was a African American couple. TheKing pointed to Mrs. Usborne and said she was me, her husband in the picture was BigGuy, the brother and sister were Spidey and SuperStar, but the baby was not TheKing. TheKing pointed to the baby in the family next to them and said, "I am that brown baby."

He got it. Kinda.

We talked about how tan people usually have tan babies. Brown people usually have brown babies. White people usually have white babies. That babies often look like the woman and the man who created them and grew them in their belly. I told TheKing that there was a brown woman who grew him in her belly. He said he would like to be in her belly again. He curled up. I told him that the woman who grew him couldn't be his mommy and looked for another mommy. I picked him up and held him like a baby. He snuggled in. TheKing told me that if I saw a little kid on the side of the road walking alone I should get him and bring him home to take care of him. I asked him how why he thought his skin was brown and mine was tan. He said because I found him on the road. I told him that sometimes when a mommy is tan and a baby is brown they are different colors because the baby was adopted into the family.

Then he changed the subject.

TheKing asked if we could read a book about dinosaurs. I asked if he wanted to see the pictures of the day he was born and brought to our house. He picked up the dinosaur book and handed it to me. We read that book. Then we read another book. And another book.

I expect that there will be another day where he asks another question - from the backseat.