So you are standing having a conversation with a person that you have talked to various times over the course of more then a year, but less then two years. Hardly know them. Not trying to get to know them better......not avoiding it either........just not soliciting it.
They ask how many kiddo's you have. With your youngest child - who is adopted - and is clearly of a different race - standing next to you.........well not really standing - more like tripping over himself and dancing, skipping and making a mockery of balance.
Getting back on track - they ask you how many kiddo's you have. You say you have three. They say, "Are the other ones yours?"
Ahhhh......are my kids mine? Wait.......they mean are my OTHER kids mine......which means that one of my kids ISN'T mine.....which one isn't mine? Probably the person asking (not very tactfully I might add) is meaning the one making a mockery of balance in front of me.
So I say, "Yes, ALL my children are mine." And give the person a sweet smile.
Not to be defeated apparently the person then asks how old the others are. I tell the person. They asks again if "the older kids are yours?"..........sigh.........so I ask, "Do you mean are they adopted?" The person says "yes".......so I say, "No they aren't adopted." Which is true, my oldest kids are not adopted. I also point out that regardless of adoption a child is a parents child 100% - which the person readily agrees with.
However, that doesn't really answer the question the person is digging for and I know it. But the person is asking so rudely (see I am an upfront straight forward kinda girl) that I can't let them off the hook that easily - the person has basically said that adopted children are not "real" and is saying that my adopted child is not my child - which is wrong even if it is not what they meant to infer.
Say what you Mean and Mean what you Say.
Then the person says something about wondering if the child in front of us who is tripping on the level floor looks like his father. Sigh......well I could technically tell the person that "yes, my youngest does look like his father." without mentioning that in my head I mean his biological father. But I am tired of this game. I am tired of this digging. I am bored with the insensitivity.
I say, "You have met his dad a few times over the years. He is pretty tall, sandy blond hair and white." The person doesn't remember meeting my husband. Not surprising - I think the person really only noticed me last week when they kinda accused us of taking another child's kite - which was actually our kite and the person was mistaken. No biggie.
The person has their answer. My youngest is adopted. The person can move on.....maybe thinking things that I don't want to know about.......maybe not......hopefully thinking about the answers I gave in "every child a parent has is 100% their child - regardless of who did the creating".
2 comments:
I can totally hear you having this conversation. Love it.
I think a lot of people who don't have any experience with adoption wonder how it affects families who adopt, the adopted child, the biological children and so on. The situation becomes even more curious once you start mixing in people of different races.
Although they didn't choose the best wording when asking questions, try to focus on the fact that, at least they asked questions. It seems like they were trying to get a better grasp on your family's story via awkward questions.
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