Spidey the World Changer

Spidey started school this past Tuesday. This year our school is BRAND NEW and huge. While we have only been in this neck of the woods for 3 years.......the fact that the age of our former school was old and run down was well known throughout the district families. The hardwork and joy that went into building our new school (and 2 more) was really cool to be a part of. So being a part of all the BIG events that have had to do with opening our new school has been really exciting and gives you goose bumps.

As our school opened our schools dynamic changed. Our former school was small, but we had as many students as it would hold. The new school is not small at all!! The school district redrew the lines for each of the schools as they built and expanded the schools we are moving into. Thus the face of our school community is changing. We have more diversity. We have an even higher population of families who qualify for services. We also have a new element of mainstreaming kids into the class with different abilities. While each of these new pieces of our school come with excitement of challenge.........they can also be a frustrating challenge. One I know our teachers and principal are up for, but one I wondered about in terms of our students interacting - and considered how Spidey would respond. Now I know he will be fine.

One new student in Ben's class is James. James is Spidey's age, but just under my size. Spidey has been talking about James - he seems genuinely concerned about him. Described him to me as "not so bright", but very nice and that he cries when he gets frustrated and needs a lot of help in class, but tries really hard and has a lady who helps him all the time. My guess was James had a TA in the class. Given our districts financial cut backs I know that a TA these days is generally attached to an IEP. I asked Spidey's teacher about James because he wanted to have a playdate and I would need to contact Jame's parent. I also asked his teacher why Spidey would keep describing James as "not so bright" and she explained. James has Asperger's. She also shared that James is apt to just stand up and wander out of the class room. Which is the norm for kids with Asperger's. So I figured that first we would get to know James better and make sure that his parents would be ccomfortable with us asking him for a playdate.

Spidey's teacher has used the bond the boys are building to help James get comfortable - remember he is new to our school and new to our classroom. Spidey is not - there are a lot of kids that are new and that alone is something for Spidey to adjust to, but his teacher was his sisters 3rd grade teacher. His principal has been the same great guy since Kindergarten. Spidey was a part of everything that is our new school. Spidey's teacher now has the boys in the same desk group and Spidey has talked about trying to get James to be part of the fun at recess, but so far he hasn't joined.

Spidey broke down in tears one day after school while he was telling me all about how some of the other kids were teasing James for crying. He made me cry too I was so touched by his concern. Spidey felt so badly for James that he stuck up for him with the developing class bully. This is a big deal for Spidey because he wants to be part of the "in crowd"........so going against them is NOT something he ever did in prior years.

All of this also struck a cord with me that so often we judge people by how we look. James is a big kid. Normally James would be the kid that stuck up for the littler kids - or bullied them. James is being judged wrongly by the other kids and will easily become a target.

This Friday night we had one of our family movie nights. We watched Blind Side. Not my favorite movie because I think it is an overly sugary sweet version of what people should be doing - plus the movie made it look like once again a white family was saving the world of people in other races (yes I do understand the irony of what I say - but I would have made the movie differently) - and I think the excessive money the family portrayed has give's the rest of the adult world an excuse to say "well if we had money we could help, but......." (I have seen people post exactly this on facebook - and heard them say it in conversations) - Still their story is wonderful because they did these things because they felt the need to - not because any of the rest of us were making them - they felt a love to do it. Hopefully their story is inspirational enough to others that some will reach out and touch a life of another person in a positive way. Because that is what our world needs.

Anyway - I wanted to watch Blind Side with the kids to give them an idea of remembering to LOOK at people - really LOOK at them and realize that the package is not always what it looks like (especially given that they are both starting schools that are different in many ways then our former elementary was). In the movie Michael originally looked like a tall, dirty, scary kid who didn't belong - but when people took the time to get to know him they realized that he was just a another person - like themselves - who needed help and once they really got to know him they found that he was a sweet person who truly cared for others.

After the movie I tried to start a conversation........but there were no takers and we all kinda forgot about it.

This morning before school Spidey qouted the movie. I asked him what he thought about the movie. He said he didn't like the movie because it had so many sad parts to it. That statement to me was a total open door. We talked about how life for many people is hard and can be sad. We talked about how some of his classmates may be in situations similar to Michael and some may even be homeless (which I learned is a reality for our school population last year while working with some of our students). We talked about how at some point in everyone's life there will be hurdles that we all have to get over and it is sometimes only with the help of other people who wander into our lives that we make it over those hurdles. The character of David (the gang member who dies) was especially hard for Spidey. He said he didn't like that David died. He wanted to know if that part of the movie was also true. So I tried to explain how the story teller used David and Michael as mirrors of what "could happen" if no one helped a kid who needs them - and what "can happen" when someone does help the kid wno needs them.

We also talked about how helping does not mean bringing them into your home - sometimes it means working to collect food with your religion class - helping the community through your Boy Scouts - Christmas caroling - donating your clothes or toys in good condition - or it just means being a friend that listens and spends time doing fun things someone else.

Spidey is killing me these days because he looked up at me and then just started to cry. Then I started to cry. Then he asked me, "Do you think James can jump on our trampoline?"

I think we will be having a playdate soon.