When I Visit My Kids In the Future.........

Today I washed 2 loads of laundry.........well really I washed about 10, but there were 2 loads in particular that I find aggravating. Now I am not a big whiner mom, but sometimes I DO happen to know BETTER then my children.......BigGuy knows better then them sometimes too. And I hate to be telling tales on Spidey, but there are just some things that a person can't make their body do - and one of them is mature fast enough in some areas (and in SuperStar's case it is to make her body mature SLOWER in some areas - my PERSONAL opinion I am sure she would not agree with). For Spidey I mean the whole process of a person waking up in time to use the bathroom when they are sleeping. Spidey's body just won't cooperate with him in this area. We talk to him about wearing the "overnight" solutions, but unless he is spending the night at a friends (where he will enter the bathroom and very discretely change into this support aparatus) he won't budge on not using them. We don't feel we should MAKE him......and we know it is his body not being mature enough quite yet....still at the same time if he would just wear one of the "overnight" solutions everyone would be happy (well maybe not everyone, but since I am doing the laundry I would be happy at least).

Since this is the case.....and we don't want to push him....or embarass him (which might happen if he ever reads this post - although he never will - I don't think).....we have made an agreement with him - If he has any difficulty overnight then he agrees to strip his bed and take the sheets and whatever else into the laundry room for me to wash. Then he will take the sheets back in the afternoon/evening and make his bed.

In short most of this doesnt happen. We can tell when he has overnight difficulty because he will be sleeping with us in the morning. So I do know when to tell him to strip his bed......but he complains about it. And he almost never remembers - wait.....he NEVER remembers to take the sheets to his room. AND he never puts the sheets on without complaining up a storm about how hard it is.

So this morning as I am washing his sheets - TheKing's sheets (same reason) - SuperStars 100 loads of laundry (because she always waits 4 weeks to bring her laundry down no matter how many prompts) - baking brownies for the preschool program tonight - baking a cake for the GS Bridging - sorting through pictures for Spidey's First Communion book - cleaning around the toilets because 3 out of 5 people in our family can't hit the giant hole - sweeping up the rocks Spidey knocked out of his shoe before he left to school - wiping up the drips of cake batter from the ladel I told TheKing not to touch because I was still using it........etc. etc. etc................................

.............I decided that When I Visit My Kids In The Future I will........
1) Throw my coat on the floor of the entry way and walk into the house
2) Ask for a drink.....whine until I get it.....and then spill drops of it all over the counter as I partake in it
3) Leave the drink where ever seems the most inconvenient during meal prep
4) Sneeze into the food that is being prepared (I am figuring I am there for a meal)
5) Go watch TV in the middle of whatever conversation seems most important
6) Make certain the volume is SUPER LOUD (probably I will be hard of hearing from all the years my kids have had it on SUPER LOUD - so this will work for me to both hear it and annoy the kids)
7) Ask to stay overnight - no BEG to stay overnight
8) Create the most disgusting concoction of food possible with the items being served and then be certain to pour my beverage into my bread - eat it and announce how EVERYONE at the table should try it.
9) Go into the bathroom during the meal leaving the door open
10) Pee on the floor very CLOSE to the toilet, but definately NOT inside the toilet
11) Stick the end of the toilet roll into the back of my pants and walk out and across the house announcing that I have a tail....(yes, this has happened sooooooo many times)
12) Ask to go outside after the meal....no...half way through the meal - just get up and leave into the backyard jumping around and screaming at the top of my lungs for no apparent reason attracking the worried attention of the neighbors.
13) Come back into the meal and rip up my piece of bread (I am guessing we will have bread because it is all my kids seem to agree they like at every meal) and make certain it is ALL OVER the table and floor
14) Most certainly do not help with meal clean up - unless asked - andthen point out how it is totally unfair that I have to help when I know that no one else ever helps as much as I am forced to help
15) Remind them they said I could stay overnight
16) Demand the remote and sit watching shows that I have seen over and over and over again - and explain the plot line of these shows with "what will happen" right before it happens so that nothing about them is a surprise and all entertainment from them (if it is possible for them to enjoy the show at all) is taken away
17) Complain a lot about anything positive they say about me, BigGuy or anything in our lives
18) Go to bed REALLY REALLY late so that they have to stay up with us
19) Pee in the bed and then go to them in the middle of the night asking if we can sleep with them....or if they would mind moving to the futon so that we could at least sleep in their bed.......or if they say no (their spouse might be pushy) then ask them to please get up and make the futon up for us because we don't know how to stretch the sheets over the corners
20) Totally leave the soiled sheets for them to clean up the next day
21) Leave toothpaste all over the bathroom counter
22) Throw our towels about the place
23) Refuse to kiss or hug them goodbye because someone might see us and it would be embarassing for us
24) Leave making them wave over and over again
25) Forget something and call them from a truck stop begging them in a sweet "you have to help me" voice to bring me the item so I don't have to double back as that is totally bad luck

That should do it right?