Why The Name Change?

So Why the Name Change?  Well it seems this past year that we have had quite a few Mosquito's.  Not a MILLION or anything, but enough that occasionally we would decide we needed to go inside so as not to be bitten.  That made the No Mosquito thing seem to not fit any more. 

Plus - Fresh Start ='s New Name (or at least in my head)..........

Then why Swimming to First Base?  In a way the answer would be No Reason........and then at the same time it is because we are always at a pool - dropping off - picking up - waiting - waiting - watching a race - waiting - traveling - you get the picture right?  With A and B in competitive swim, BigGuy working as an official for the states swimming organization and me helping where ever needs and BigD as a team mascot - well swimming is on my brain.

 First Base is for BigGuy.  He really really wants a Baseball player in the house.  He plays every summer - softball though.  He loves baseball.  He loves basketball too.  And I think he love football as well........but I am never in the room long enough when he turns it to football to see if he really stays on the channel.  I have been okay with hosting and attending the big Football Playoffs parties - however I won't say it is for the commercials because I am generally zoned out by the time it gets to that. B has tried baseball and moved away into swimming - then this year B tried intermural basketball and football.  He fancies himself a football player and I believe plans to try it out in HS.  Currently though he and A are big time swimmers - with A joining the HighSchool swim team in 11 days.........11 DAYS!!!



 

This year BigGuy got another chance at having a baseball player though.  BigD gave baseball a second chance.  I have to say.......I don't see this sport in his future.  As entertaining as he was when climbing the backstop - chasing other players around - telling the coach he didn't need a glove when they put him "way out there".........I have to say I see him not doing that again.  Yet BigGuy is hopeful and encouraging.  So we will hope to get to First Base with BigD in this next year.  This year baseball was all about covering himself in the dirt.

What Happened?

OH MY GOODNESS I can hardly figure this site out anymore - so many things have changed in how to create and update.  The other day I was thinking "let's clean up some of this stuff in favorites" as well as having a conversation with my bestie in FL (we have these 2 hour conversations where we talk about how ridiculous we are and feel better after giggling) where she pointed out that we are both Scanners........explain later......unless you read the article too and you understand already......but when I was cleaning out my favorites cache I realized that I had 3 blogs!!  Okay I KNEW I had 3 blogs.....but who knew that I hadn't updated any of them in a year........Okay I KNEW I hadn't updated them in a year......but who remembered to care that I hadn't updated them in a year.  Not me.  Likely none of you since I would guess the 5 people who are listed as following my blog deleted the link AGES ago.  Which really is kinda funny since that is EXACTLY what I was doing to blogs when I ran into the ones I started myself........clicking on saved links........looking to see how recently they were updated and then deleting the ones that were over a year.  Unless they were family.  You can never delete family.

Why is everything so out of date?  Well let's look at the past few years -
7 years ago moved here started first blog and things went well for a good amount of time....
5 years ago started baking cakes for folks who asked and time started to dwindle.....
5 years ago started second blog about me because my oldest became old enough to care about what I was writing as "embarrassing".......let's be honest - I did pretty well with that blog for about a month.
3 years ago kids started attending 2 different schools and I began doing more cakes for friends - this began dividing my time a great deal and my blogging time died...along with time for me in many areas.
3 years ago began third blog about cakes.......that one I actually did pretty well at because I was thinking "hey maybe I will start a cake business".........
2 years ago all 3 kids started in school, 1 in year round swimming, 2 in band, 1 in choir, 1 in swim lessons, and all in all sorts of stuff that I won't list and that really took a big amount of time AND I started really doing a BUNCH of cakes for folks.....blogging ended pretty much.
1 year ago I added working in the schools which took up the time I had left for breathing and blogging never started again.

So I was thinking - delete this account - and then I thought - I need something that is mine.  Something where I can type out loud the things that I am thinking. - and then I thought - don't delete yet.  Try again. 

How will it be different?  I don't know.  This year we have 3 kids in 3 different schools.  I will still work.  I think no more cakes for folks though so there will be that time right?  2 in year round swim though and that involves a lot of travel.  1 in swim classes.  Then there will be XCountry, band for many, piano.....ack I can't.......No no saying no - I can do this.  I can't figure out how to do anything, but create a post - so far I have messed up the formatting and can't figure out how to put the title in......but that is what makes it fun right? 

And here we go ........... again ...........

Wow - this blog has no seen any action for MORE THEN A YEAR!!  Like seriously........more then 12 months - shoot more then 13 months - dang more then even that......see I figure I will just confuse myself if I keep talking about how many months it has been since I last posted.  Let me simply say - My Kids So Totally Do Not Look Like My Cover Photo Any Longer.  At All.  Well they resemble those kids, but they don't really look like them anymore.

Why am I here?  Why after so much time have I bothered to come back and look at this blog and post something?  Is it because I have suddenly become inspired?  No - wish it were.  Is it because there are no really interesting things to write about.  No - in fact we are probably less funny here in our world then we used to be........eeehhhh - scratch that - we are still funny....in a laughing is better then crying kind of a way.  Is it because I suddenly find myself with so much time on my hands that I CAN write a blog again?  No - actually my free time has become less present then it used to be.  But who needs free time - I mean what would you do with it, but waste it right?  I mean I know that everyone wants to read my prattlings about nothingness so this writing a blog thing is so totally not a waste of time - right? 

Hey wait - don't leave - keep reading.

Really though - I am writing again to save my sanity.  Yes - stop laughing - I do have some sanity left.  I don't care what you heard on the grape vine.......I have enough sanity left that at least I am not at the gas station trying to buy cigarettes in my birthday suit.  So it is due to trying to get some of this stuff out of my head and into someone elses - oh and because someone said that I write well (now that person has a lack of sanity) and because I am supposed to write some article for my fondant class coming up and I am all out of practice so I thought I would write something here and then segue into trying to write something there.  Okay - right - really I am just procrastinating writing that by writing this.

So while I do intend to write something about the crazy sanity breaking stuff that is in our household on a daily basis (no I don't mean I am going to write on a daily basis - that would be crazy) - it won't be that much today - or that interesting really.  Ack.

What's Your Favorite Color?

I agree with every person I hear say, "Color doesn't matter....it is who the person is." True to an extent though. Color does matter. I believe that every individual I have heard make this statement (or "I don't see color") is a white person. Not that it is bad. It should be true. The skin color of a person should not matter. But there is division. Color does matter. It is unfortunate in some cases.............but mostly it is WONDERFUL!!

Having difference is WONDERFUL!!

Being Unique is IMPORTANT!!

Shoot if we are honest.........there are lots of folks who ADD color to make their experience different - to stand out - to make sure that the color is SEEN. Tattoo's? They are everywhere these days. My 9 year old son's ever changing hair colors? Difference is beautiful...........Difference is sought after..........Difference is an art form...........so why are we claiming to not see a Difference when we should really be embracing it? It is totally confusing to me.

What does a person mean when they say "I don't see color?". My guess is for most it is a way of saying "I am not a racist." Which is good. I mean to not be a racist is good. But in saying that you don't see color you may also be saying that you don't see their difference. And I will put this in a white person perspective because I am a white person. When I look at a person I relate them to me - to my experience - to my life. I am white. If I am looking at a person who is any other race or color then I am erasing something important about them. I am white washing them so to speak. Their experience being NOT ME. Their experience being a different race. And the argument would be absolutely correct to say that I am doing the same exact thing for the person who is of the same race I am. They have a completely different life experience and I have erased it by first putting them in my own experiential history. Does that make sense? I will never have the same experience that another person has. But to say I don't see color is not fair to the person I am erasing the color off of - regardless of what race they are - same or different then my own.

Embracing the thought that another person's color represents their experience........their family culture........their neighborhood culture.......their personality........their history.......their Themness.

The other day I asked my 5 year old what his favorite color was. I know his favorite color. Blue. And I fully expected to hear him say, "Blue. Maudy you know my favorite color is blue." But I am one of those moms who likes to ask the same question over and over again. Making notes of the things that might be answered differently.

That day he surprised me. When I asked what his favorite color was he did not say Blue - instead he said, "Brown." I said, "Why is your favorite color brown?" He said, "Because I am brown and my E is brown." His E is his best friend that lives down the street. E is brown just like my son. Then he added, "Brown is my favorite to be Maudy, but I like your color too."

He see's the difference and he is 5.

What's my point? Ummmm.....well I suppose my point is SEE THE DIFFERENCE.....Embrace it....don't try to make it go away........Maybe it we all can accept that we are not all the same we can start really seeing each other.

But I Bet He Was Never Taught This

I know I have talked about BigGuy A LOT. Because he is my husband..........it kinda lends itself to having to do that. Then there is also that he is my Best Friend. And because he is there for most of the things that I do so part of it. Although that last part he might rather get to duck out of a few times - because let's be honest about me - I ask a lot of questions in reference to feedback on things that I am doing.....and sometimes I can be critical of the feedback that I personally solicit. I don't mean critical of the person who gives the feedback - or really that I am saying I will debate the feedback - just that I want to pull it apart and analyze it so that I know EXACTLY what the person means ABOUT the feedback if it isn't "OHMYGOSH THAT IS THE COOLEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE".......although I am talented enough to be able to pull comments like that apart too enough to drive the person that has said it insane.

"Why is that the coolest thing ever?" "What are you comparing it to?" "How was that NOT the coolest thing ever" "Was it due to color, flavor, time it took" "Are you saying this because we are friends" "Will you be totally honest if I let you try this"

CB, SH, SS, JB - they all know about this barrage of questioning that I can do. Right friends? However, I also have the skill set to be able to tell when NOT to question (er interrogate) someone.

So needless to say BigGuy is trained in having to deal with my questioning and having to deal with the different hings that I throw his way. Who knows - maybe he was trained from birth to take this kind of feedback requesting on by his mom. I mean maybe this ability to ask for feedback until the person passes out is not special to me - maybe this is skill many woman possess and just few ask for my feedback (hmmmmm maybe I should ask feedback on this). BigGuy was raised by his mom and 2 sisters - so perhaps he is just fluently well versed in all that is WOMAN.

But I bet he was never taught this.

No one can teach a Dad to be a great Dad. It just happens. If the child they are dad to is lucky the Dad learns the Greatness early on. My memory of growing up was pretty much that there were A LOT of things about Girls that Boys didn't know - that Boys didn't want to know - that Boys were basically taught to avoid - that Dad's did not help Girls with - that Dads pretended didn't exist (not just my dad) - that Girls just did not have their Dads as part of. And honestly - some of the topics Moms were not great at addressing either (not just mine).

BigGuy is great at all of it. BigGuy also wants to be part of all of it. Which is probably what makes him great at it.

SuperStar had a milestone occurrence in her life. This is my way of hinting at what MAY have happened as I have sworn I will not SAY what has happened. But mind you - she has developed a new sense of growing up. Now I have heard few friends talk about this process unless I directly ask...........see the above section on asking for feedback on things. It seems to me as our daughters enter this phase of development we should be clinging to one another - both to usher them into this phase of their life as a "group of supportive woman" who celebrate them as they cross the thresh hold (I mean honestly.....we are throwing parties for giving up binkies, for not using diapers, for having dry beds, parties for the first day of preschool, full scale graduations for the last day of preschool, gifts for lost teeth.....we celebrate EVERYTHING.....then a girl has her first "time" and we all scatter under rocks and pretend like this is an event worthy of embarassment instead of embracement. This particular development is what will continue the world - it is life giving - maybe if we throw a party for IT woman will regain some of their status and men won't have .........anyway we can go into that later I suppose). My point is - celebrate this milestone for your daughters a bit more excitedly then the giving up of the binkie - it means a lot more.

So SuperStar hit this milestone. It was a big big deal to me......and probably a bigger deal to her - maybe - maybe not. But one of the coolest things in my eyes is that BigGuy made sure he was part of it too. Granted he wasn't given much space NOT to be part of it........but it didn't matter because he WANTED to be part of it. For instance - a few months prior to it happening I was cleaning SuperStar's room and found some unwrapped items with a deep red color on them. Surprised and since she was standing next to me I yelped that she should have told me. She responded with, "oh I was just practicing with makeup". Did you practice? Yeah, me either. Let's give her creativity points for that. A week or so later I told BigGuy about that. Before I could say it was just practice he chided me for not telling him so he could be part of it. Sweet right?

Let's skip forward to the "day of". She came home and told me - that was the day. I listened to the tale of what happened since she was at school and reported it to a male teacher and it was kinda funny to picture........then when she went off to her room I called BigGuy. He picked her up flowers and brought them home. He hugged her and congratulated her and made himself part of the whole experience - minus explaining and shopping for supplies. Then we took her to dinner out where she choose to go - St. Louis Bread Company (not my choice for such a life changing event, but my kids don't get out much I guess). We took the boys too and when they asked WHY we were celebrating SuperStar we told them........and when TheMan said he wanted to go to some restaurant when he had his we explained that he wouldn't be experiencing this development.......and when he complained how unfair that was I thought to myself.....that is as it should be - he should see this particular life gift as something that he should be envious of because it is a gift and not a burden.

I am Lame Enough To Make My Next Post a Link To Another Blog

So I am totally Lame Enough that after weeks and weeks of not posting I would make my next post a Link to a Blog that my friend, PG (funny she is 1 P short of being me - PPG - maybe that is why I like her so much), forced me to read and laugh so hard I cried while doing it.

Hyperbole and a Half - funny funny funny. PG sent enlightened me to the posting from December last month. First time I ever heard of the blor or read the blog. As I was reading it I started to giggle - this drew TheKing's attention - he came in and asked what I was giggling at. I showed him the blog - which has drawings that accentuate the story, but that are drawn to look much like children's drawings. At first TheKing laughed looking at the pictures and wanted me to read the story to him - but even though I read out loud the story was lost on him. So he wandered away.

I read on.

Not long after I continued reading I started to actually laugh out loud (LOL for those of you who no longer understand completely written out words due to excessive texting). TheKing wandered back in wanting to know what it was making me laugh out loud (LOL). He looked at the computer - evaluated the pictures and said, "That isn't funny Maudy." (Maudy is his name for BigGuy and I - just like we call the kids a garbled mixture of their 3 names due to confusion of which we are addressing - TheKing does the same with us - Maudy - Maummy + Dauddy = Maudy). His not thinking the hilarious blog was funny made me laugh harder. He stared me down. Like really stared me down - like I was totally in trouble. I tried to explain the point of the story, but it was unexplainable to a 5 year old. So instead I laughed harder. He got a bit flustered I was laughing. Probably confused as to if I was laughing at him or with him, but the story was funny and his inability to understand it seemed to make it funnier. Eventually I was laughing so hard I started crying.

This made TheKing really mad and he said, "You need to go to your room and control your motions."

Which of course made me pee my pants.

All that said here is last months Hyperbole and a Half post. After you read that read this months - it is just as funny!

Hyperbole and a Half - The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas

Another - What Would You Say.....Do.....Text?

This past September we gave SuperStar a cell phone - I probably blogged about it - in fact I am fairly certain I have said something or another about how she has a twisted sense of what to text about and when to text......but this blog isn't about that - although there is a thought provoking one coming.

This blog is about MY cell phone. See when we gave SuperStar a phone we upgraded my phone too. I had a pay as you go phone. It worked fine, but I had gotten to the point of being in so many groups that I was using it more and more and paying more for minutes then a regular plan with the extra phone for SuperStar would have cost us a month (we don't have a data plan so our costs are relatively low). I have to admit that I was excited about getting a phone that I didn't have to say "hey I am paying for these minutes, can you please get to the point?" when I was talking with someone...........because let's face it my friends - some of you all ramble on and on (and yes that is the pot calling all you kettle's out).

When we got the phones we played with them - SuperStar more successfully, but still fun.

And I kid you not......the FIRST DAY that I had my brand new phone I received a phone call for the previous owner - ACK - who wants to field calls for someone that used to own the phone? Worse yet - it was a COLLECTION call!! 2 in the first day. And the companies didn't sound like they believed that I was not the person they were asking - who funny enough was named BJ!! Thought I was going to say HalfPint? Yeah, no.......BJ......great right? Barney's little friend used to own my phone (come on - get your mind out of the gutter - this is a family blog ;0) ).

The next few weeks I received many many many many collection calls. Some from the same few companies who promised over and over and over to take the number off their call list (and never did) and some from random companies. It was a true treat.

I also got a few calls from the Diabetic society. Who also didn't believe me. One day the woman asked at least 5 times if I were really sure there was NO ONE in my home who had diabetes. I assured her we did not, but to give us 10 years and call back. They gave me 2 days and called back.

So last night we were driving home from Christmas Caroling at a retirement village with our schools Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. I got a text from a number that I did not have in my phone. It said, "Do u have any ideas for BigGuy for Christmas?? He need new boots or coat to wear around the barns?" Now this was different - not a collection agency - not the diabetics - just a number I didn't know who knew BigGuy. Nice change. But STALKER came to mind since I didn't know the number and they knew my husband.

Weird - we don't have a barn - and they wanted to buy BigGuy a gift. Who was this? I felt badly that I didn't recognize the number, so instead of admitting it I went fishing......."My BigGuy?" I asked.
"Yeah.....I don't know any other BigGuys's. Hahaha how u feeling?" they responded.

Hmmmm.......I have a really really bad cold - I think it might be turning into a sinus infection. This is totally someone I know. I would feel badly admitting I have no clue who they are.......so I responded with, "Well you threw me off with the barn & boots - why are you wanting to get him a gift - isn't he on the naughty list?"......I was thinking maybe it was one of his BS's. I added, "You really don't know any other Daves" and they said, "Not that I would buy a gift for......hahaha"...........

Hmmm......so I asked, "Why are you buying him a gift?" to which they responded, "For Christmas and bc we love him." ........sweet.......maybe it is a female stalker.........so I thought I should find out for certain who this was and said, "I need to put you in my phone - how do I spell your name?"

Then the person said, "BJ this is PumpkinHead (not her real name), your daughter in law." I texted back, "That is awesome, my oldest kids is 11, but my husbands name is BigGuy - oops - we don't have a barn - have a great holiday!".........then it hit me - wait she means BJ.......the collection callers from hell focus person.......BJ!! after a few other texts I sent, "Wait were you trying to get someone by the name BJ SuperStar?" (if you know SuperStar's real world name you get the reference. And they responded, "Yes, who is this?"........so I sent my real name and let her know that I get tons of calls for BJ SuperStar all the time - and she never texted me back.

BigGuy says that I should let her know that her mother in law is being searched for. I really really really do not like the collection calls I am still getting still 4 months later............

What would you do? Would you start forwarding the calls to BJ's family? Or ask the daughter-in-law how to get a hold of BJ.......or just keep fielding collection calls from rude people who think I am lying to them?

Occassionally I am the one making the Blunder

I post every once and again about being disappointed that someone has made a racial/social/personal blunder in my world. Honestly I know that I also post about things that I do myself that are Blundery.......but sometimes I amaze myself when they are back to back - Blunder Annoying Me - to - Blunder I Make .......generally if I am experiencing a blunder I can catch my own from happening.

This time I didn't.

So TheKing wants to have a birthday party to celebrate how fabulous he is and have people bring gifts showing him their adoration. Don't we all? You don't? Well them I am guessing that you are Jehovah Witness. Anyway that can be an entire other blog - back to the birthday adoration - this year TheKing wants a Curious George party. No biggie you say? Yes, well then I am guessing you are a white person.

TheKing is 4 - TheKing loves Curious George - it would seem fair that TheKing should have a Curious George party. TheKing is African American though. I mention TheKing's birthday party theme wish to a friend........she stares at me in horror and says, "You can't do that."

I know she is right - but it seems not fair - birthdays are about having it "your way". Since it seems not fair I ask another friend (you should know these friends are African American - and another friend who has adopted a son from Ethiopia as well - so I have 3 people weighing in on this). She takes a more sympathetic/empathetic stance - knows that I know what I am asking and that I am aware of the negative stereotypes attached to this theme. I start crying - she hugs me - all is good - but it is confirmed........no Curious George party. Not a good idea. I am told that any black parent who comes to the party will be offended and that basically when TheKing is older he will look back and wonder what the heck his parents were thinking.

TheKing and I talk and he changes his mind - no, we didn't talk about the subtle stereotypes and racist imaging that is causing the theme to change - more we talked about having a magician instead and maybe a Curious George party another time.

Where is the offensive blunder? Well there wasn't one.........but as TheKing would say "Keep it in your head" that I just went through this experience of race sensitivity.....

two days later........

TheMan is getting ready to go to a birthday party (hey, maybe the real problem in the world is all these birthday parties?! Get rid of birthdays and it is all good.). TheMan needs a birthday card to go with his gift. TheMan is too lazy to make the card like his sister would......hint hint if you are reading TheMan. So BigGuy asks if there are any cards that I have stashed to use with the gift. I go in search of an appropriate card - not too "little kid" - not too "girly" - not too "dorky". Find one - it seems perfect - safari like which will match a boy thing - has a zebra on it which is kinda cool - and I bring it up to BigGuy who looks at it and says, "You can't do that".

Why not you ask? Well the birthday boy has a white parent and a black parent. Negative stereotype imaging again. Will it seem like a big deal to me? No. To the birthday boy? Probably not yet as he is a little young. Would his parents notice? Maybe. Is it worth risking feelings? Absolutely not.

I go downstairs and dig another card out of my stash. Blunder outside of the house averted - but I am disappointed in myself and a bit amazed that I missed it. Is this over thinking? White Privilege would say "yes" I am over thinking it........but when was White Privilege ever right?

I Didn't Date 100 Guys for No Reason....

So SuperStar is now in Jr. High. I now know why parents cry when their child enters Jr. High. Before now I thought they cried because their kiddo's were getting older and that meant that time was slipping away..........in the hour glass that is our life.........

Now I know the Truth.

The Truth is that as a child enters Jr. High they begin to morph into this being that is more independent (good right?).......more sure of themselves (ahhhhh.....part of the time at least).......more likely to throw me under the bus of understanding (totally)........what do I mean by that?

Let's see - how to explain - ummmmm - well - errrrr

In Elementary school SuperStar believed that the world was fair - that homework was easy - that getting straight A's was just "who she was" - and that I knew most everything. So if she had a question about the world around her she came to me (or BigGuy - who at that stage in her life was also seen as Brilliant). We gave her the answers she needed and she skipped away reassured that life was good.

In Jr. High......ah - not so much.

Is she still an A student - yes - is the world fair - not nearly as much as it was in the past - is homework easy - well, yes, when she isn't crying due to the stress of having to get it ALL done - are BigGuy and I still BRILLIANT? - not a chance (although I think she still at least considers our input before dismissing it).

Recently SuperStar had her first crush. Okay, not her FIRST crush - really it was the same crush she has had for 2 years now - same boy - same crush - same same same. Only this time he asked her to "go out" with him. After some teasing about it from him that is.

Here is why I am a totally lucky mom - She Talked To Me About It Through The Whole Thing - she let me read texts - she let me read face book chats - she let me hear her thoughts - she talked to me about the whole thing.

Here is why I was not such a lucky mom - She Believes That I Know NOTHING About Romance - or any other kind of a relationship with a crush target.......

"It is totally different now" I was told. So I explained to her exactly how she felt............remember that feeling - the person you are crushing on is in the hallway at school - you can see that person - you are trying not to look, but you have to look to see if he/she is looking at you.....and OH MY GOODNESS if they are looking at you your head spins a bit and your stomach gets all fluttery and you can't help but giggle a bit and blush........and you know she said that is EXACTLY how she feels.

So I DO understand - right? Wrong.

I can't possibly understand. Or so SuperStar believes. She even said she wished she had a sister or a cousin who lived near by that could really understand how she feels and talk to her about it. I didn't date 100 guys for no reason.........it was total research so that I could talk to my daughter one day and commiserate no matter what the "romantic" situation she fell into......it was absolutely NOT because I was boy crazy and said "okay" every time some guy asked me to go on a date - or because I was hungry and needed a free meal. Yet here I stand after all that research and I have No Clue What So Ever as to how SuperStar feels.

The way I see it - the only difference between my romantic Jr. High life and SuperStar's romantic Jr. High life is that when her crush asked her to "go out" it was in a face book chat - and when my crush asked me to go out it was in a note that read like this:

Will you go out with me?

Circle One

Yes No Maybe

What was the "Maybe" about anyway? Now a days hand writing a note is considered too personal.........no cyber no love. How archaic that we would WRITE our questions down - pass it to another person and then ask them to give it to our crush. In the modern world they now text the person sitting next to their crush and ask them to ask the person if they like them and then wait for the answer via text. Yeah, that is sooooooooooooo different. Whatev's (as the cool Jr. High kids say these days).

So I know why those parents are crying when their Jr. High student climbs the bus or jumps out of the SUV that first day of 6th grade........it is because things are changing........their student is about to believe that they are not the center of the universe anymore.......and dating 100 guys was really for no reason at all........except maybe actually for a free meal.

Seriously......What Would You Say?

So you are standing having a conversation with a person that you have talked to various times over the course of more then a year, but less then two years. Hardly know them. Not trying to get to know them better......not avoiding it either........just not soliciting it.

They ask how many kiddo's you have. With your youngest child - who is adopted - and is clearly of a different race - standing next to you.........well not really standing - more like tripping over himself and dancing, skipping and making a mockery of balance.

Getting back on track - they ask you how many kiddo's you have. You say you have three. They say, "Are the other ones yours?"

Ahhhh......are my kids mine? Wait.......they mean are my OTHER kids mine......which means that one of my kids ISN'T mine.....which one isn't mine? Probably the person asking (not very tactfully I might add) is meaning the one making a mockery of balance in front of me.

So I say, "Yes, ALL my children are mine." And give the person a sweet smile.

Not to be defeated apparently the person then asks how old the others are. I tell the person. They asks again if "the older kids are yours?"..........sigh.........so I ask, "Do you mean are they adopted?" The person says "yes".......so I say, "No they aren't adopted." Which is true, my oldest kids are not adopted. I also point out that regardless of adoption a child is a parents child 100% - which the person readily agrees with.

However, that doesn't really answer the question the person is digging for and I know it. But the person is asking so rudely (see I am an upfront straight forward kinda girl) that I can't let them off the hook that easily - the person has basically said that adopted children are not "real" and is saying that my adopted child is not my child - which is wrong even if it is not what they meant to infer.

Say what you Mean and Mean what you Say.

Then the person says something about wondering if the child in front of us who is tripping on the level floor looks like his father. Sigh......well I could technically tell the person that "yes, my youngest does look like his father." without mentioning that in my head I mean his biological father. But I am tired of this game. I am tired of this digging. I am bored with the insensitivity.

I say, "You have met his dad a few times over the years. He is pretty tall, sandy blond hair and white." The person doesn't remember meeting my husband. Not surprising - I think the person really only noticed me last week when they kinda accused us of taking another child's kite - which was actually our kite and the person was mistaken. No biggie.

The person has their answer. My youngest is adopted. The person can move on.....maybe thinking things that I don't want to know about.......maybe not......hopefully thinking about the answers I gave in "every child a parent has is 100% their child - regardless of who did the creating".

Good Bad Luck - Forgotten Blog

SO HERE IS A BLOG THAT I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT.......TOTALLY!! APPARENTLY I WROTE IT AND THEN I WALKED AWAY FROM IT AND FORGOT TO SPELL CHECK IT AND POST IT.

THAT SAID - IT IS A FEW WEEKS OLD, BUT STILL WORTH A POSTING - RIGHT?

Very often I see people on Facebook complaining about the negative things that happen in their life. Yes, I also see people post about the positive things too, but honestly there tend to be more negative posts or posts about crazy things that bug people.

Yes I really do like to know when a friend needs some extra support. Also - I get that posting frustrations on Facebook are a nice "letting go" way of putting the feeling out of their own life and move forward. I get it. Sometimes I even do it. I also understand that for some people the obvious autonomy that Facebook offers (you can say it, but not have to look anyone in the eye while doing it)them makes them feel safer saying things out loud.

I get it.

Last week I found myself doing the opposite though. I decided to post that I was happy that even my bad luck was good luck.

* Tripped and almost dropped a cake that I was getting ready to decorate - but didn't drop it and didn't have to rebake it - good luck.
* Dropped a container of pirouette cookies that I was using and bashed the container - broke all, but 5 of them. I needed only 4 = good luck.

Then I was able to add -
* BigGuy's truck needed work that we were pretty sure would cost a chunk of dough - he had avoided fixing it for a good 10 months - we argued about it - all yuck stuff - then he took it in and it cost $65 to fix = good luck.

So bad luck - good luck - I am happy to have Bad Good Luck or Good Bad Luck - depending on how you want to look at it.

Apparently I should have kept my mouth shut......because this is how this week has gone -
* Monday.......well that was the day that the truck was fixed for $65 - not bad, but it was bad luck that it needed to be fixed - good luck that it was fixed cheap.

* Tuesday.......no meetings!! yea!! then I noticed TheMan scratching his head - and my head itched too......couldn't be......Yes It Was......Lice. Total Bad Luck. We spent the REST of the evening washing/rinsing/medicating/rinsing/combing hair - bagging stuffed animals - stripping beds - washing sheets - x's5 just to be sure.

* Wednesday.........followed up on the rest of the cleaning after the lice stuff - ugh. Then I finally calmed down a bit. I knew I was sick, but I didn't realize how sick I really was. Turns out I was REALLY SICK!! So I laid on the couch for the remainder of the day - except during piano lessons (which are in the living room) - I moved to the bedroom for a bit then, but it was so sunny in there (normally something I LOVE about my bedroom) that it made my headache double.

* Thursday.........woke with a fever - followed up on my plant to go to the doctor - took TheMan with me since he has been coughing for 2 weeks now. He had bronchitis (but was toward the end of healing - still ='s meds). I had a sinus infection and bronchitis starting. Great. Went to get meds before taking TheMan to school. His meds - $10 - my meds $130!! I got in the van and sat to think - which was hard because I had a terrible sinus headache and it was sunny (where is the rain when you wish it?). I was a bit freaked out - what is our insurance for anyway? Called BigGuy - he calmed me - called the pharmacy and asked if I could return the meds. Yes. Went inside to return them. Went back to the car to call the doctor to ask for a new script......only I had locked the keys in the car. The last time I locked the keys in the car was pre-kids during a float trip with BigGuy's friends and our (his) beer was in the trunk and we were 2 hours away from a town that could come to open the car. BigGuy was not happy.......I became OCD about checking and rechecking where my keys were after that. Dang sinus headache. We waited for BigGuy and TheKing to end swim class and come open the van. Peeking in I saw that I could just kinda see the number for the doctors office. Called and had the script changed. We waited. By the time everything worked out I was exhausted. TheMan was able to convince me to keep him home from school to "help" with his little brother TheKing.

Now let's review their "self-proclaimed" names - TheMan - TheKing - you can guess how well they listen to each other. Individually they are FABULOUS - left to work things out on their own - well.........they are brothers. I blame the headache for my lack of judgement on that.

So - recapping - I have Good Bad Luck - or - Bad Good Luck. Apparently I tempted a higher power to test my attitude on that and they passed me one hurdle after another to see if I could hack it.........

Okay - let's look at it -
* Monday........car was fixed - we had the money to cover it - BigGuy now drives in a car that isn't about to break down. Good Luck.

* Tuesday.........ack - lice stinks - but we didn't have a single meeting that night so I was able to notice that he had lice - we had the money to buy the kits needed to clean our hair (thank you car repair bill luck). None of the kids freaked out about it. We got it all done. No one had to shave their hair off (it was a fear).

* Wednesday.........I was able to turn everything off and just be sick. No meetings, no worries, the kids were helpful......

* Thursday......okay that was a test day - able to get into the doctors office - we have medical coverage - we have a car that I can lock myself out of - BigGuy was reasonably able to get to us in time to open the car - TheMan had chocolate milk and Pop-Tarts to eat while we waited - the pharmacists were helpful - the doctor was willing to switch the prescription and sent a voucher for a free sinus spray - BigGuy took over house duties after he got home from work - the boys didn't make me crazy while they stayed home.

Today is Friday - my kids have a half day of school - another hurdle? No...a blessing - extra time with my kids. Plus - I lost my voice (the new script meant that I went from a 4 day "quick feel" medicine to a 10 day "you get a bit worse before you get better" medicine - today I am feeling a bit worse physically.

However, since I was too exhausted to drive myself home after dropping TheKing off at preschool - I was easily convinced to meet for coffee with my good friend, KBS, and she invited a potential friend. We sat and talked and goofed off for 2 hours at the coffee shop. Probably why I lost my voice. Still - made the day worth whatever else might come about.

Good Luck - Bad Luck........they are all the same thing........I am convinced it is all in how you look at it.

Still I will keep crossing my fingers just in case.

How Fun Was That?

You know how you can't keep a calendar in your head all the time - so you aren't always certain what is going on, but you have a pretty clear idea of what is on the schedule as you sign up for things?

In general I can keep the flow of what the family is doing to a medium speed. We have faster days......for instance, TheMan has religion on Wed. and SuperStar has drama club after school on the same day and we have Piano for both of them at home that afternoon too - then there are Late Start days on Wed. for school (the district has school start 1 hour late on various Wed. for teacher planning - it is a smart plan that is mildly disruptive to the days schedule because I have to shuttle people about to get TheKing to preschool on time too).......I have no control over when religion is or when drama is scheduled or Late Start days - we have had piano on Wed FOREVER and Erin, our piano man, come here to our home to teach - moving that time around is close to impossible so we just work around that time - plus Erin is wonderful and he ebbs with us since we ebb with him when others on his schedule need it. Given that - Wednesdays can sometimes be a high speed day.

What is my point? Well it is that overall I do a pretty good job of managing how crazy we are. Still........it seems that no matter how gifted I am at this juggling of time to keep people from melting down in tears (primarily me, but sometimes the kids too).....there are those weeks when it doesn't matter what you do - EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS SCHEDULED AT THE SAME TIME!! I am sure everyone I know has this happen. We call it "When it rains it pours".....okay maybe that is just me.

So this weekend went like this:

Friday - finish decorating 6 cakes - 1 for delivery and the rest for a bake sale I signed on for

Friday - Family Fun Night at school - I was the organizer and helped set up and greet and clean up - my GirlScouts helped too - it went great

Saturday - Up at dawn to hit the Craft Fair for the Bake Sale - Did well - Enjoyed my time - cleared my costs and made money toward a charity we have at school for Holiday Meals

Saturday - BigGuy took kids to stores to pick up gifts for parties they were attending

Saturday - SuperStar was taking care of a neighbors pet by letting out the dog and feeding the horses 2x's that day

Saturday - Pick up from Hockey Party and hang a bit talking to friends - brought a friend home for TheMan to play with

Saturday - SuperStar went to a Sleepover Party

Sunday - Church

Sunday - Serve Meal at local food pantry

Sunday - Prep for week doing laundry and some cake planning for orders

There really wasn't much of a moment left - well Saturday eve we hung a bit and snuggled - that was a nice bonus time. It was a high speed weekend.

But it was fun!!

Funny Friend Story II

Okay so I was thinking maybe Funny Friend Story II should be saved for another day.......but I am thinking about it now....and avoiding making 30 fondant footballs........

So here it is.

This friend lives in a smallish town that its name start with a B. No, it is not New Bedford......TheMan just asked me this.....he is reading over my shoulder in awe at how quickly I can type. It is nice to AWE your children in some way right? My typing will be what he remembers I guess. Although he is still reading and he says it will not be what he remembers........he apparently will remember my Gooey Butter cake - nice. Needless to say - New Bedford does not start with the letter "B" - it would start with the letter "N".

Anyway.....this friend lives in a town that starts with the letter B.

She and her kids are at a stop light - so that means they are in her car too. Her son is looking out the car window. My friend is probably just thinking about the millions of things that woman have to think about during every waking hour of their daily life. Certainly paying attention to her stop light and safe driving skills (we have to mention that), but not so much to what her kiddo is doing while sitting next to her in her car - she is on auto pilot in her head. You know that feeling right?

Her son asks, "What do BFD mean?"

My friend, not thinking about it much......and in her head still......doesn't question what he has asked and just says, "BFD means Big Fucking Deal". Then she thinks what she just said and wonders who in the world has introduced the term "BFD" to her precious son (they are all precious right?)!!! She turns to him to ask him exactly that and as she does looks out the car window that her son has been looking out and sees the fire truck with the BFD on the side. . . . . . . .and realizes that he was talking about the Bloomington Fire Department logo........

hehehehehehe - great parenting moment right?

Funny Friend Stories

Okay....yes I have been busy, but there is always time to actually blog....and I do sit down and do it...and I do think of fun things to write about......but then a kid comes by or the phone rings or I remember another something I have to do and it is literally like "Squirrel" from the movie UP.

Oh and then there is that cake blog that I have been actually posting at semi regularly. Which is really the other reason that I haven't been posting blogs here a bunch. If I am not volunteering for something by creating a newsletter or planning and event.....I find that when I am on the computer I am researching a cake - like just today I was researching Electric Guitar cakes....and licensing a bakery stuff........so while I have things to write about, by the time I really concentrate enough to write it I have completely forgotten what I was ever going to write!!

However, my friends are on my mind a lot because they are helping me through my current adventures. And due to that I am thinking about their stories.....and here is a Funny Friend Story.........

So this friend, we will call her TL, is totally put together. She dresses nice - like not just unwrinkled clothes, but unwrinkled matching clothes that are from the CURRENT style......so not me. TL goes fun places. TL has a great job she loves and 2 kiddo's - one is in TheMan's grade and the other is at SuperStar's school a few years above her - 8th grade. She is also a Volunteer-A-Holic.......which is kinda how we have gotten close - we are on everyone of the same committee's together - and she has a heart of gold - which I completely admire in a person.

Needless to say - she has it all together.

This summer TL had an emergency operation. I won't go "all into it", but basically she was like the dog, Marley, from the movie Marley & Me. Her intestines were too long and they twisted up. It was dangerous and serious and she was home from work for several weeks. When she was recovering she tells a story in which her daughter, MissK, was helping her get dinner. They had decided to order out. TL was too woozy to actually talk to the people at the restaurant they were ordering from so she wanted MissK to do it. MissK was whining a bit about it (as good 8th graders will) and said she was too nervous to do it. TL insisted. MissK whined. TL said - in a medicated haze and in a very strict and probably annoyed voice (as good mothers will), "MissK you have to do this, I am trying to teach you how to cook dinner for your family."

Get it........the joke apparently is not just that she was making her daughter cook dinner by ordering out at a take out restaurant........but also apparently TL really cooks this way. Or so she says - I bet if we ever have dinner there it will taste great.

Anyway......funny TL story. I have another.........

The Birthday Was an Up Hill Climb

Happy Birthday To TheMan!!

It has been a few weeks since the ACTUAL Birthday, but it is never too late to wish someone a Great Day and tell a Funny Story. And this is yet another one of our Adventurous Funny Stories.

There are days that I sometimes wonder........do you all have these stories and you just aren't tellin' 'em? Or do I just wander into a lot of Goofiness??

So what did TheMan want to do for his birthday this year? Rock Climbing. Easy enough. My first thought was YES!! - no responsibility for an entire 90 minutes of the party - WOOOO HOOOOO!!!! Energized by the thought of planning ZERO games - ZERO crafts and TONS of Fun supervised by someone paid............I called Upper Limits. Okay - I emailed Upper Limits. I should have called - but I emailed - BigGuy has finally gotten to me - "you can email much easier then you can look it up in the telephone book". Silly me forgetting that talking to someone in PERSON often works much better then email.

Still - even though I emailed and booked the event and then called a week later to find that I didn't actually have the party reserved because even though you email you still have to call. Make sense to you? Yeah, me either. But if I dwell on this glitch then the story will be WAY too long. We will move on.

Everything set - cake made and terribly impressive - and I do say so myself (but go look at the Wimpy Kid Cake by clicking here).

Kids arrived. Parents dropped off leaving us to supervise their lovelies.

Presents were opened - Cake was served - Pictures were taken......and then everyone went outside to bounce about in the yard......I was thinking "dang this is the easiest party yet - nothing can go wrong now!"

Famous Last Words right? Right. Dang the irony.

Within seconds of thinking that horribly comfortable thought it dawned on me that I needed to have each one of the 15 parents sign a release form for Upper Limits to allow their kiddo to climb. OHMYGOODNESS!! That had completely left my mind in the planning process. I mean at some point I had thought "When a parent drops off I will have them sign the form".......and then that thought left me forever. This is hard to admit - because I am a confessed perfectionist.

I explained the problem to BigGuy, SH, KBS and Nanny (BigGuy's mom). They all just looked at me like deer in headlights. Then I said, "We have to forge the signatures". The statement sat there - and no one looked happy with me. So I modified it, "We have to call each parent and get thier permission to forge their signatures." - that time everyone said "Good idea". We figured with 5 adults there we could each sign a few forms and the different hand writings would look random enough. BigGuy started printing out the release forms on line......yeah right.....so we can't make reservations online, but we can download and print the legal documents online. Make sense to you? Yeah, me either.

My job was to phone parents. Everyone else started filling out forms as parents said "go for it". We got all the parents, but 2. MO is a bestie and I knew she would let us sign for her kids. TL is another one of my nearest and dearest - she wouldn't mind either. We signed, filled, asked kids birthdays, signed more.......and then loaded everyone into the cars.

Now this is where disaster #2 happened. See one of the kiddo's had Aspergers. I was warned that sometimes he might wander off. His mom said he wouldn't wander far. My goal was to be his shadow and have him ride with us when we went from our house to Upper Limits. He had been great - having a fine time - getting along with everyone. The other boys were all great too - fine time - getting along (not a single fight!). We loaded them into our van, SH's monster SUV and then the little boys in KBS's van. We drove. We were about half way there when I realized that the boy I planned to shadow was NOT IN THE VAN!! Okay......no need to panic......he is in SH's monster SUV......thank goodness for cell phones right.......dialed her........."hey you have my shadow in your car right?".....she yelled back to see....."nope he ain't here".........crap.........panic now.

I had visions of him in my yard. Standing there like Home Alone. Crap.

BigGuy stopped the van - which stopped the 4 car caravan on its way to Upper Limits. I got out and ran the line - not in our van - not in Nanny's car - not in......wait KBS was smiling and rolling down her window and apologizing, "he is in here" - thank you thank you thank you was all I could think. She said he hopped in and she wasn't sure what to do - she didn't realize I wanted to be his shadow. All I could think was "who gives a crap stop apologizing!! you just saved my life!!"

I ran back to the van. Got in and life was good. SuperStar called up, "This is the worst party ever. We thought we lost a kid." To which I responded, "No this is the best party ever because we only temporarily misplaced a kid."

Everyone piled out of the vans, SUV's and various other cars....running faster then we could catch them into Upper Limits and lining up to turn in their forgery.....er I mean...signed release forms.

The first kid that I did paperwork for was tagged. I had signed the wrong dang line!! The man in charge said that the parent would need to come in and sign the correct line. Crap. I immediately went through and grabbed the papers I had signed and resigned the correct lines. I tried to encourage the man to let us phone the parent to have them give permission to us to sign the correct line. Nopers. This was our pennance. Fortunately the parent in question was one of my besties, TL. She was on her way out to pick up dinner and didn't mind running by.

Here is the kicker. She stopped in and as we are getting ready to sign the paperwork I point out to her that she can no longer sign her signature......she has to sign her signature to look like MY rendition of HER signature. So basically she had to forge my signature of the forgery of her signature. Follow that?

Now if you are following along you will notice that we have planned the Perfect Birthday Party...forgotten the paperwork that would make it seemless....received perimssion to forge signatures....forged them.......lost the one child that we were supposed to make certain was always safe.....found him.....mistakenly signed the wrong lines on the forms....corrected them and asked a parent to forge my signature forging their signature.

In the end everything worked out. So was it still the Perfect Birthday Party?

Name Change Alert!!

So Spidey had a birthday. He is now 9 years old!!

We were talking the other day about how we all had our blog names. A few years back Santa Claus gave us each a hoodie jacket with our blog name embroidered on it. SuperStar has grown out of hers. Spidey's is too small now too. TheKing was Babers when his was made and he has grown out of his too. BigGuy says his never fit that well - he is such a big guy that it is often hard to get anything to fit him for long after it is washed.

I asked SuperStar and Spidey if they wanted new jackets. SuperStar just wants to wear mine. She likes going around with a HalfPint jacket on. Cute right? Still she said that she would like to have a new jacket with her name.

Spidey wants a new jacket, but he doesn't want it to say "Spidey" on it. He said he wanted a new name. I asked him what his new name should be........he smiled and said.....

TheMan!!

So his new blog name is TheMan!!

SuperStar is looking over my shoulder saying "really??"

What Is Next?

What am I doing in my spare time you ask? Wait you didn't ask that? Oh........well how about I tell you anyway?

Baking Stuff

Yeah pretty much it is that simple. I have come to the realization that in about 10 months my 4 year old is going to 5 years old. He will start Kindergarten and the 12 year long hiatus from the "real world" (HA!! like anything will be harder then the 12 years I logged in as a SAHM)

of working will come to a close and I will be looking at What Is Next. With that thought

in my head I have been thinking about What Is Next. What is next? Well I could go back into the field of social work. I have even been recently tempted into apply back into that world with a WONDERFUL offer to apply for a counselor working with families who have adopted.

HELLO!! What am I waiting for right??

Well I am thinking about the other thing that I really enjoy. Baking. Even more so I am really getting a kick of Decorating stuff. Cupcakes, Cakes - for Birthdays, Anniversaries, Weddings, Showers.......whatever......I even find myself begging to give people cakes so that I could practice other types of cakes. Which is kinda how I ended up here.........

Baking. Decorating. Finding myself thinking about What Is Next?

Should I start a bakery? I thought about it outloud. Talked outloud about the thought to my friends - CB, TL, BigGuy and a few others. When I was testing flavors I began to give them away to BigGuy and CB to take to work to give to willing eaters. Suddenly they were both getting me jobs!! Real "will you make me this special order kinda deal" jobs!! CB is getting me so many jobs that I am thinking if I do start a business it should be called CB's Friend That Bakes Cakes!

Then here I am....apply for a job doing what I got all those degrees for.....or try for a different path altogether now and even though it would be way hard and time consuming go for the adventure? Help kids - which is my total calling - or Bake Cakes (and still help kids because let's all face it - I am a VolunteerAHolic and I volunteer for organizations that are child based - shoot I have been trying to figure out how to make cupcakes to give away to organizations for kids celebrations.........without going broke).

So In the decision making time period I am working on this stuff.....Ipsy Bipsy Bake Shop - check it out and let me know what you think.......

Always from the Backseat

Is Back Seat 2 words or 1 word? Backseat......Back seat? Hmmmmm.....well honestly trying to figure that out is really just procrastinating. Procrastination is BigGuy's thing usually, but today I am borrowing his procrastination skill because there was a topic I could not put to the side when it came up........while I would love to talk to someone about it that wasn't possible.......I did email with BigGuy about a bit, but can't think of who is available to really listen to me ramble - so I thought I should blog it out so to speak. Now I am finding it hard to talk about......but I should talk about it - or type about it - same thing kinda. Aren't there songs that say that - writing it down on paper keeps it from eating you up inside? I could go look for that song and the correct wording - I am sure I have the CD - I think it might be Breathe by Anna Nalick.........but really looking would be procrastinating more....so I won't.

What is my problem? I knew this issue would come eventually? This isn't even the start of it. This has come up several times before. Always from the backseat. BigGuy put it well, "Why does this make me so uncomfortable? I’ve known for more than 5 years that we can’t hide the fact that he is adopted. I’m regularly reminded by others of how obvious it is. In my heart I want to protect him from any form of difficulty, but in my head I know I have to be prepared for the reality. His story will not be like SuperStar’s and Spidey’s. But SuperStar’s and Spidey’s won’t be exactly alike either."

TheKing is getting to that age. He is noticing the differences. He started by making the obvious statements of color. He said he was "black" and I was "white". Then the questions started, "Why am I the only brown kid?".

Each question seems to be stated when he is sitting in the backseat of the car. Funny he has figured out that it is easier to deal with things when you aren't looking them directly in the eye.

We were riding home from school today and from the backseat he asked me why he is the brown kid and I am the tan mom. See for TheKing BigGuy is "white" and he says that I am "tan". He has told me that I could be "brown", but that I am not. I am "tan". Today I asked him what he meant trying to draw the conversation out until we could get out of the car and sit and talk face to face. He wanted to know why he is a different color. So I went straight for the truth. "I didn't give birth to you." "What is birth, Maudy?".......perhaps I stepped into that, but honestly the way I see it the first step to understanding it all for real is understanding where babies come from. Explaining "birth" to him wasn't so easy though. There was my explanation of a baby growing in a woman's belly......there was his questions of the difference between a baby and a toddler....there was his segue into why you call a toddler a toddler....my explaining the learning to walk part of toddle....and his talking about how he wondered if a baby would be scared to fall down a staircase or about having a monster eat it. Both of which I agreed a baby should be frightened of.

and then we were home.

I remembered the handy Usborne book that has tons of stories of "firsts" in a childs life. A baby coming home being one of the stories. So we sat down to read it and better understand where babies come from. I don't think TheKing has ever watched a woman through pregnancy like SuperStar and Spidey did. He found the pictures of Mrs. Usborne pregnant and then after giving birth to Susie very interesting. We flipped back and forth and back and forth looking at the difference. Then we flipped to the page where Susie's brother and sister come to visit her for the first time.......in a shared hospital room (must have been in Europe)........and the couple next to Mrs. Usborne's bed (who was caucasian) was a African American couple. TheKing pointed to Mrs. Usborne and said she was me, her husband in the picture was BigGuy, the brother and sister were Spidey and SuperStar, but the baby was not TheKing. TheKing pointed to the baby in the family next to them and said, "I am that brown baby."

He got it. Kinda.

We talked about how tan people usually have tan babies. Brown people usually have brown babies. White people usually have white babies. That babies often look like the woman and the man who created them and grew them in their belly. I told TheKing that there was a brown woman who grew him in her belly. He said he would like to be in her belly again. He curled up. I told him that the woman who grew him couldn't be his mommy and looked for another mommy. I picked him up and held him like a baby. He snuggled in. TheKing told me that if I saw a little kid on the side of the road walking alone I should get him and bring him home to take care of him. I asked him how why he thought his skin was brown and mine was tan. He said because I found him on the road. I told him that sometimes when a mommy is tan and a baby is brown they are different colors because the baby was adopted into the family.

Then he changed the subject.

TheKing asked if we could read a book about dinosaurs. I asked if he wanted to see the pictures of the day he was born and brought to our house. He picked up the dinosaur book and handed it to me. We read that book. Then we read another book. And another book.

I expect that there will be another day where he asks another question - from the backseat.

That is Sooooooooo NOT what we bought that phone for!!

So for SuperStar's birthday we gifted her a very nice phone. Yes she is 11 years old. Yes I was totally opposed for years to the thought that we would purchase one of our children a cell phone. No I didn't cave. Well yes I did cave. Wait....did I cave? Maybe not so much "caved" as Peer Pressure sank into the equation of it all.

SuperStar + Jr. High being really far away + other Parents purchasing cell phones for their kid's starting Jr. High + other Parents agreeing it is helpful if they are involved in school activities + a lot of "Can I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE" ='s BigBuy and I CAVED.

Okay - yeah - I caved.

So now she has a phone. This is how it is generally used.

Texting

We were driving the other day - whole family - and BigGuy gets a text. He reads it at a stop sign and shows me.....it says "I am in the back seat"............it is from SuperStar.

It is 10pm. I am downstairs watching CupCake Wars. I get a text.......it says, "What Up"........it is from SuperStar who is supposed to be sleeping.

Now I will give you I am actually having some interesting conversations through texts with her. Things that we can say when we aren't together. She sent a text announcing that she made it for Treble Makers......she was very excited!! She sent me a text letting me know she was on her way home from school on the bus. Nice to know. She sent me a text letting me know she was a little down. We texted that through a bit.

Then came the day that she wanted to stay after for a Student Council election meeting. She called - I am staying. There was no ride set up and I couldn't leave to get her. She should have called to say....."can I stay" before the bus left. That was not the best way of using her phone, but lucky for us CB's son was doing something similar and she saved SuperStar's bacon by being on her way to pick up her own son who surprise stayed for the meeting.

Then came the day that SuperStar was staying after to attend a Speech Team information meeting. It was planned though. No worries. I woke TheKing up and made my way across town to pick her up. Only........she wasn't there. She forgot and took the bus home. Realized the goof half way, but didn't have her cell phone (which she should have because it was purchased for this reason) with her and didn't think to use one of the MILLION OTHER cell phones her friends on the bus had. Again - CB saved her bacon because NB noticed that SuperStar was crying from fear on the bus....CB let me know that my panicked search of the Jr. High school was in vain and called me - WITH HER OWN CELL PHONE - to let me know I should come home. This is exactly what we DID buy the cell phone for and again it wasn't used.

So after that SuperStar's privileges for texting and computer were taken for a few days.

Then the next day there was a Girl Scout event that SuperStar was working as a greeter for. She stood in front of me with her cell phone as she was preparing to leave. Now....going to an event without one of her parents is EXACTLY what the cell phone is for. Yea - she has it in her hands - and then she put it down and said, "Well guess I will leave this here since I can't text anyone until Friday"........

That is SOOOOOO exactly what we bought that phone for!!!

We Don't Need to Tell Them........They Learn It Themselves

Today TheKing and I were both working on the computer. Crazy right? My 4 year old son knows how to navigate the computer. Plus he is super good at it. We can turn the computer off and he can still figure out how to turn it on, find his way into the user that belongs to the kiddo's and on top of that all find his way into the websites that have his favorite games. Geez Louise.....

Today though he was on the home computer and I was on the laptop. Honest I was paying attention, but honestly it was half hearted. I didn't notice that he stopped playing his game because that music drones on over and over regardless of it you are playing the game or not. Suddenly he was standing next to me holding a Bella Sara card. The card isn't anything important. It is something similar to a baseball card that SuperStar collected for awhile. Each card has a mythical creature on it. This particular card has been sitting in the computer hutch forever, but was just now being noticed by someone.

The card that the TheKing was holding had a unicorn on either side. On one side the unicorn pictured had white hair. On the other side the unicorn pictured had black hair.

The King said, "What is this Maudy?" holding the card up for me to see.
"Looks like one of SuperStar's old Bella Sara cards." was my response after looking quickly at the unicorns.
"Is this one a good guy and this one is a bad guy?" he asked flipping the card back and forth between the two pictures.
"No I think all the characters are good in that series." I said - and then began to think about what he asked. "Why do you think one of the unicorns is a 'bad' one?" I added.
"This one is a bad one." and he pointed to the unicorn with black hair.
"Why do you think that one is the bad one?" I asked.
"Because the white one is always good." he added matter of fact.
"Well a black unicorn is just as good as a white unicorn and this one is a superhero." (TheKing is currently IN LOVE with superheros of all types so adding "SuperHero" makes a big point for him) I said pointing to the unicorn with the black hair. "There is nothing a black unicorn can't do."
TheKing put the card down and said, "Can I have a cookie now?"

I am realistic enough that I "get" he wasn't having this conversation to talk about racism or diversity. Yet at the same time we were. BigGuy and I have never told any of our kiddo's that white means good and black means bad. Just the opposite actually. We (okay maybe it is more ME) make a point to stress that there are stereotypes hidden in everything and to always be certain to Look Closely at everything before making a judgement on it.

Yet these messages of black meaning bad and white meaning good are there in my 4 year old sons head. This isn't a new message. I have had similar conversations with SuperStar and Spidey. All TheKing needs to do is watch a cartoon, a harmless Disney movie or in some cases read a book and he can learn that message.

We don't need to tell them..........they learn it themselves through our worlds subliminal messaging.

We do need to change it...........by talking to them even when it is not so simple or so comfortable. If we don't then they will continue to believe what they learn.