The Grass Can Always Look Greener I Suppose........

TheKing is getting dangerously close to 4 years old now. Can you believe that? 4 years old! SuperStar is 10. Spidey is 8. Where did it all go? Makes my head spin honestly. As TheKing gets older the conversations we have had are also getting older. What I mean is they make a heck of a lot more sense now..........and they are about who he is and how he relates to others.

A few days ago he and I were snuggling on his bed and just talking. No TV. No books. Just laying there trying to calm down after a bit of an emotional stint over a toy that would not work the way he wanted it to. He had been put to bed for the night and even though the ending was supposed to have been somewhat of a discipline move.........I felt like a snuggle might make things a bit better and had snuck back into his room. So it was also dark - which can make snuggling better on certain occasions.

On this occasion he wanted to talk about things - like most kids do they want to hear stories about when they were little. Littler then 3 doesn't leave much - but you can always find something can't you? As we were laying there he placed his baby on his belly. I asked him if he remembered laying on my belly snuggling when he was a baby....and how he used to fall asleep and I would listen to him breath? He said he did. He said he remembered when he was really little and he would be inside my tummy and he would eat food from my belly until he could come out and I would hold him. That surprised me. I didn't expect him to remember all that just yet. He is only 3 after all. And it made me sad too........because that wasn't me. I wish that were me, but that is some other lucky woman. And although I have never really found myself feeling genuinely jealous of her......at that moment I was. I wished sincerely that I was that woman so that I could say without any other thought in my head, "Yes, I remember that too." and then snuggle him a smidge closer knowing that we shared nine months that no one else in the world would be able to have a piece of. But I can't.

It is moments like this that remind me that I am connected to a woman that I am thankful for everyday. Without her there would be no TheKing. And I am envious of the connection she has with him. Although I know that he is now as much my son as he will ever be hers. And I know that somewhere in the world she is envious of the connection I have with him. So we now share envy as well as a blinding love for TheKing. And I an realistic that if we look hard enough at something the grass can always look greener I suppose, but honestly I am just very thankful for the grass, regardless of it greenness, that surrounds me right here. There isn't more that I could wish for really.