Nutcracker - literally

This post has to start out with a disclaimer - We did enjoy the ballet The Nutcracker - okay, we kinda enjoyed it - okay, if we hadn't had a bag of Jelly Bellies with us there is a likelihood that we would not have made it past the first act, but we did like it. I mean, it was very cute and the kids who were in it were very talented - anyone going on pointe is amazing - I used to be able to stand on my toes in gymnastics, but I can only imagine balancing on that little piece of wood - amazing!! Still, I was ready to leave after the first act. Partly because there were no words - hey, the Barbie Nutcracker version had words and dancing - I just thought it would be the same - partly I was ready to leave because the older woman (who didn't bath on a daily basis) liked totally douse herself in that high intense powdery flower smelling perfume that was pretty much suffocating me - and partly because the lead male danseur (what you call a male ballerina - I googled it CK) had a very distracting package.

As we were watching the ballet I was not clear on the fact that apparently it is not uncommon for danseurs to have their twig and berries very obviously present. Add in that the king of the Sugarplum land also had a completely white outfit - well, you get the picture. It was somewhat like this gentleman, except you can't see this guys very well and the guy in our ballet seemed to be facing the audience ALL DURING HIS TIME ON STAGE. I am sure that the prima ballerina who was the Sugarplum Queen did a lovely job at dancing - only I didn't notice because I was doing my best to avoid looking at her consorts stuff - and he was lifting her up all the time.
I mean this guys stuff was so in our face (we had good seats too - 9th row - lucky us!) that he might as well have been dancing like the danseur in this photo! After the performance the kids said something about the costumes and I didn't say anything and BigGuy still knew what I was thinking - because he was too. I asked him how they could be so noticeable and not bounce around much - because they didn't move really - they were just THERE - constantly - THERE - not moving, but all three bumps were THERE. He said he figured they must have bound them somehow. Now - tell me - especially any of you who are former ballet persons - should the audience leave the ballet talking about how wonderful the dancers were - or how distracting the twig and berry cover up that wasn't was? As nice as it is to expose the kiddo's to the arts - I think this was more exposure then necessary. We are going to stick to musicals withour ballet in them, plays and sport events. Campy musicals - that is our thing.