Still Counts as White Privilege - even if they didn't mean it to......

So the other night I am talking to one of my good friends. I was telling her about my experience in the rural town that harbored the not so friendly WalMart. She and I sometimes disagree on topics - usually on politics - but never (that I can remember) on family value issues. We are family first - kids first - people first - and she does not appear to have a prejudice bone in her body (that I have witnessed to date). However, she also has a rosey view of the world. I envy her that. Now....I am very capable of looking on the Bright Side of Things. I am also a professional in the area of Reasoning Things Away So That They Aren't Really Yucky. But I think that she is even better. And sometimes I find myself trying to be nice so that we don't clash on topics that can cause long term problems. That is probably a "friendship" rule for everyone though.

As I started - we were talking about the Icky Walmart incident and she then told me a story about a friend who is African American - who is beautiful - and was on business in a town very close to where my friend grew up. At one point in the trip this woman was the only African American in a restaurant she stopped in with work friends and that the waitress was looking at her as she made her way from the bathroom - and that the waitress then made a nice comment to her about how she held herself so nicely - no comments were made to her white work friends. Her friend thought it was odd that the waitress would say that to her, single her out, but she also thought the comment was said with true sincerity. My friend said that her friend related the story to her as being that the people in the restaurant were just "curious" and didn't have any negative intent.

As I listened it dawned on me that my friend was reasoning away the rudeness that I experienced at Walmart. And I understand why. It is much easier to live life with the thought that everyone is as nice as you are. My friend is very nice (have I mentioned this?) and she expects others to be the same. She probably wanted to save me the hurt of thinking people were not sending me or Babers positive vibes. Plus, if all the people really were just "curious" then her world of nice people - and my want for everyone to be nice to my son - can be true. It is much easier to just think that all those people at WalMart were really just "curious" about me and how Babers fit.

Now....I have to disagree with my friend on this. Even if the people were only curious - it was rude. Even if the people hadn't seen a beautiful African American woman, or a gorgeous White Mom (me) with a cute as a bug African American son (Babers) - they should not gawk and stare - that makes people uncomfortable - it is rude - it is unsettling for the person on the receiving end of the "curiosity". The woman should not have to readjust her own comfort level so that others can get their "stare on" and quench their curiosity at her expense.

If they - these rural white people who aren't exposed to much outside their own community - had come to my former neighborhood (STL City) and been treated by my neighbors (who are primarily African American) in the way they treated me - or CB's friend - then those rural white people who aren't exposed to much outside their own community people would have left the City of STL thinking "Those people are rude and made me feel uncomfortable. I never want to go back there." - and they would be right to think this. ** This does not include people who are intentionally trying to hurt you - criminals, thugs, etc. - because large cities certainly do have more of that then small rural towns - I am only speaking of commonly nice people who live in large cities ***

So even if someone of a different color comes into your community you do not have the right to gawk and be rudely curious.

This Still Counts as White Privilege - even if they didn't mean it to......