How Does This Balance?

Let us begin with a few statements -

I love BigGuy

In fact, I really adore BigGuy

BigGuy is a great Dad

If I were to be faced with starting the choice for a husband and father for my kids - He would still be my All Time Favorite Choice.

Now........let me express my thoughts about Father's Day. See....when we first began having children (about 9 and 7/8th years ago) I got two years of very sweet Mother's Day gifs - and attention on that special day honoring me. While I wouldn't go so far as to say that I was treated like a Queen - I will say I was treated fairly well.

Then the kids started Preschool followed by Elementary school. I noticed that in May the teachers always helped our kiddos make something for me on Mothers Day. That first year this happened I thought it was super cute. I can even remember what it was because I continue to use it (Kudos to you my favorite preschool teacher Edna!) - it was/is a little canvas bag with SuperStars hand print on it. Still.......as sweet as my school created gifts were......the thought that the teachers helped our kids make something special for me - the MOM on Mothers Day - and BigGuy didn't get that kind of special treatment seemed unfair. I chalked it up to the kids aren't in school then so what can the teachers possibly do?

This is also about the time where my Mothers Day adoration from BigGuy started to wane........not that it disappeared, but honestly we were usually either hosting a Mothers Day BBQ or going from my moms house to his moms house on Mothers Day - so there wasn't a whole lot of time left to adore me - and - usually I was spent anyway trying to get all the things done to adore our moms from the Grandkids. So what are you going to do?

Then we moved away from our mothers. So they really weren't a factor in the TIME that was availble to adore me for the entire day of Mothers Day. Let us take this year for example -

This year my mom was here - until 9am. When she left at 9am I kinda sorta thought that was when all the adoration from my kids and hubby would begin. I mean this was the first time in years that we really had a chance for them to give me undiluted attention. And I waited. After my mom left they all kinda hugged me and went away to watch TV or play on the computer. I Waited for the card to jump out from a corner - from any kid - hubby - someone - they must have been messing with me because they figured I would be expecting some kind of attention? Then it started to seem like - isn't Anyone going to give me at least a card? A gift isn't generally necessary - though a nice plant for the yard would be nice.

Nope. Not a thing.

A bit later - I guess after BigGuy had rested enough - he came and asked if I wanted to pack up a picnic and go to the park. Now that sounds like a nice day, but the work needed to pack a picnic and then the bickering about which park to go to didn't sound relaxing. So instead I suggested biking. We did have a nice time biking....we went from a park to an ice cream store and then back to the park where we messed around a bit. Then back home. Where they all just kinda watched TV the rest of the day. Not awful.........but not exactly the adoration I was looking for. And there was never a gift or even a card. Which made me feel crappy about myself because I was thinking how that wasn't fair - because honestly it should not be about the gift or the card - I should not focus on that and I found myself kinda getting mad at myself for whining (on the inside) about how there wasn't a gift. Obviously BigGuy loves me so much that he doesn't think a gift is necessary to express it or thank me for shoving those big headed kids of his out of my body (or he is foolish enough to think a gift isn't necessary). In a way that is like loving someone so much that you can be silent comfortably together (not)him. And also remembering that I should be thankful for the gifts the teachers helped my kids make me.

Plus too - as an added note - I don't see this so much as a reflection of his love for me. Because see - he does the same thing to his mom and he loves her a lot. This year I started on him about his Mothers Day gift to his mom weeks in advance. Even told him to invite her up. He never did. I finally made a card, got some pictures, addressed an envelope, put a stamp on it and left it on the counter for him to sign. He waited until the last day to do it for it to arrive on time - AND THEN STILL FORGOT TO DO IT!! So I did it and put it in the mail.

Now where is my problem with Father's Day? Well.....let us flash forward from Mothers Day to 3 weeks ago. We are at Menards (a hardware store kinda place). I am letting BigGuy walk around an area that I knew he had interest while entertaining the kids before going outside to the playset they have. BigGuy - out of the blue says, "Hey, see this organizer? It is the kinda thing I would really like to have." and then he pauses and I don't say anything and he adds...."If anyone is asking what they might want to get me."

My thought immediately goes to his birthday (late Oct.) or to Christmas. See each year his parents, my parents, me, the kids - we all wonder what to get BigGuy because generally he doesn't say. I am thinking.......how forward thinking of him. Mental note - tell his mom he wants this organizer thing.

Now........a week or so later we are at another store. Don't really even remember which one. Walking around. Looking at stuff. A week or so before he has spent days helping put a roof on a friends house - so he probably has a slew of tools he wants at this point that they had during that time. He mentions, "You know I would also really like to have a tool belt. Just in case anyone is wondering what I might want for a gift." This time I am more surprised then impressed - is he REALLY thinking about his birthday and Christmas that much? So this time I say something, "You know I am impressed that you are thinking ahead about gifts for your birthday and Christmas. It will be easier - I need to carry a notebook to start writing them down."

He looks at me funny and responds......."No, I was thinking these are ideas for the kids to give me for Father's Day."

WHAT???? Fathers Day???? Is he SERIOUS?

I can't leave this alone............"You want a Father's Day gift?" followed by a dramatic pause and an ever so sweet smile.."Wait, remind me again what I got for Mothers Day this year or last year?"

Sheepishly and not very quickly (because I am sure he was thinking of something) he says, "Oh, well your Mothers Day gift was going to be a subscription to People Magazine for a year. I just kinda forgot to tell you about it and ah...forgot to order it and stuff." and he smiles.

Whatever. So now I understand why teachers (who tend to be moms and might likely have experienced this) make certain that they create Mothers Day gifts for us in May. They are mothers too and probably want to make certain that we are given SOMETHING - Anything - even if it is made of paper and drug through a puddle before it arrives home. And I am going to quit thinking it is not fair that dads don't get anything. Because you know what.........we ordered BigGuys gift MONTHS ago....bought something else a few days ago.....and plan to pick up something else today - so no matter how lame he is about adoring me in a gift way........I am still going to make certain he has a gift......maybe not a card though.........can't go too overboard.