Let's Talk about Sex

So the time has come. Our kids are whispering about sex. Well........not exactly "whispering" - if they had been whispering I might not have heard it. They were outright having a conversation and not realizing that while sitting in the next room I could hear what they were up to. Silly kids - when ARE they going to Learn?

This is how it went.............
Spidey, "rambling on about butt stink or something............."
SuperStar, "totally pretending to be grossed out about butt stink conversation........"
Spidey, "I know what sex means."
SuperStar, "No you don't." Then ignoring him.
Spidey, "Yes, I do Susie (name has been changed for obvious reasons) told me that sex is where........muffled voice continues."
SuperStar, "That is not what sex is." Goes back to ignoring him.
Spidey, "Yes it is Susie knows things." Goes back to watching TV. Conversation ends.

I sit there stunned that my first grader has any interest in what sex means - let along that he appears to have a definition. So I wait - so as not to alarm him - and then a few minutes later call him into the room I am in.

He stands before me looking like I am about to assign him the task of cleaning his room - which he totally DOES NOT WANT. Instead I surprise him by saying.....

"Ah, I heard you tell SuperStar that you know what the word sex means."
Spidey immediately ducks his head down and looks like he is going to puke. Shakes his head "no" like I misunderstood what I heard.
"Dude I know I heard you say Susie told you what sex is. I would like to know what you and Susie know. You are not going to get in trouble."
Spidey looks up and rolls his eyes in reluctance, "Well, Susie says that sex is where one person sucks on another persons privates."

This is where I now duck my head and look like I am going to puke. Trying to recover and look "normal" I say, "Well...........that is one definition of an act of sex. There are many more ways the word can be used. Like for instance - you are a boy and that is you "sex". SuperStar is a girl and that is her "sex"." In my head thinking - where am I going with this. However, this seems to be more then enough for Spidey as I notice he is backing away toward the door. Stopping him I mention that BigGuy will want to sit down and talk more about sex with him. Spidey stops and says, "Oh no, I don't need to know anymore."
I assure him we should get some definitions straight so that he isn't guessing about things. However, Spidey wants nothing to do with talking to BigGuy and asks to speak to me. Ugh. I tell him we will sit down all together later. He leaves very quietly.

Then I am thinking..............."So what is SuperStars definition?" And Crap! Crap! Crap!

Later in the afternoon BigGuy comes home with flowers for everyone. See - the kids are home sick. The thought that I could have avoided this whole topic by just sending my kids to school sick does not escape me. They may NEVER have another sick day in their lives. BigGuy is told about the morning conversations. SuperStar walks in and hears - and tries to back out of the room as quickly as she arrived. We stop her and ask her what Her definition of "sex" is.

SuperStar says, "Sex is when two people take their clothes off and lay in bed together naked. Then they crawl all over each other."

BigGuy now looks like he is going to puke. I am now ready for this sort of thing and say, "Well..........that is one definition of sex." and then go into the same speech you read earlier. Then BigGuy adds that we should all sit down and talk about it this weekend - to which SuperStar adamantly says, "No, no no, I am way too young to know much more about this stuff." and tries to back out of the room.

We catch her and assure her we will be having this conversation - that there are other kids who are learning about this and we want her to have the right answers so that she isn't making her own assumptions about what things are. Knowing the truth will help her sort through the things she will be hearing from others. We also tell her that anything we talk about is between us - not to talk to other kids in school until the school has a conversation in the class (which it appears is next year). She ASSURES us No One is talking about it that she knows.

Lies, lies, lies!!!!! Does she think we just fell off a turnip truck??

So we let it all sit. We tell both the kids that we want them to think about any questions relating to their bodies or the topic of sex so that we can talk about them that weekend.

They never bring it up.

We all get in the truck for a ride to STL (3 hours captive in the car with the parents). As we are about 30 minutes in we say, "So...........who wants to talk about sex?"

Both the kids feign sleeping.

Now, isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Aren't the parents supposed to be afraid to talk about sex with the kids? What is this about? Some sort of reverse psychology?