Solidarity in Chicago

The definition of Solidarity - from Answers.com

A union of interests, purposes, or sympathies among members of a group; fellowship of responsibilities and interests: “A downtrodden class … will never be able to make an effective protest until it achieves solidarity” (H.G. Wells).

I start with the definition because I want to be clear that I am NOT making fun using the word "Solidarity" for the title of this particular blog. Repeat - NOT. I just am trying to convey the feeling I got as we made our 2 day march through the downtown, Loop and Museum sections of Chicago, Shedd, Field and then Navy Pier. I did talk to BigGuy about it before writing this blog - to make sure that what I felt wasn't me in my head only (which can happen to the best of us). He said he was aware of it too, but suggested that people Love Babies and that was why it was happening only to TheKing - maybe - because I must say BigGuy didn't sound totally sure that he believed his own statement.

What was Happening? Well, nothing terrible - in fact just the opposite - he was being talked to, played with, addressed by many different people - both men and women - in fact, surprisingly, he was being talked to by men who were in their 20's and that is rare for any of my kids - anywhere. Usually men that age don't show any remote interest in my kids at all - ever. What was interesting about it was they were all African American people. What was more interesting - none of them talked to us at all. The best we got was being - well.........I have been searching for the right word about how we are acknowledged - the word Acknowledged came to mind, but really we were not Acknowledged by many of these people who interacted with TheKing - it was more like we (meaning the rest of the family) were Regarded.

Regarded - the definition found on Miriam/Webster -

Main Entry: 2regard
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French regarder to look back at, regard, from re- + garder to guard, look at — more at guard
Date: 14th century
transitive verb
1: to consider and appraise usually from a particular point of view
2: to pay attention to : take into consideration or account
3 a: to show respect or consideration for b: to hold in high esteem
4: to look at
5archaic : to relate to
intransitive verb
1: to look attentively : gaze
2: to pay attention : heed


I personally would say that under Transitive Verb the definitions #1 & #2 vaguely apply - these people did seem to Appraise us - they did briefly Pay Attention to us - and they very quickly did #4 and Looked at us. I did not, however, feel they held us in High Esteem or Showed us Respect as they didn't acknowledge we were there most of the time - but you can't really tell what is happening in peoples heads. Maybe they were, but my own interactions with people that I admire or respect generally includes at least saying "hello" to them. No one said "hello" to us. They glanced at us, regarded us and talked to TheKing.

We got the usual kinda looks too - but these few things were different somehow. Most of them were with young African American men. There was one guy we walked by the first morning. He looked at TheKing - looked at us - raised his hand in a fist and said, "Hey little man." and kept on walking. There was a young man on the hotel elevator that talked to TheKing, but really didn't glance at us at all. On the second morning we had breakfast in the little dive diner that was attached to the hotel. BigGuy was ordering and TheKing ran out of the restaurant into the hotel lobby - I gave chase. He had no where to go. The hotel cleaning woman was there. She was African American. She was talking to TheKing, "how old are you?", "what's your name." I answered her the questions as TheKing played shy (right like he is shy - please). She didn't respond to me or act like I had spoken and she now knew the answers. Just kept her eyes to TheKing and said, "I should take you home and raise you with my boys. They would know what to do with you." Then she told him good bye and walked away. Me just standing there wondering if she was just being nice and thinking he was our first (often ppl think we don't have children since we have an adopted kiddo - unless they meet us all together) and he could use some playmates - or that she meant he needed to be raised in an African American family because we are white (which I have been told before).

Other little things like that happened. Again - none of them were awful. There were African Americans who talked to us and didn't talk to TheKing. There were African Americans who came up and talked to us because of TheKing - like the woman at the Field Museum who was there with her grandson for the day. We talked with her for a long time and she gave us some tips of places to go. She may not have talked to us if he hadn't been making a ruckus and crying and demanding things and snuggling BigGuy (which really was sweet to see). Or maybe she would have. He grandson took a liking to SuperStar and Spidey. They chatted all about farts while we talked. I will say there were very few non-African American's who approached us to talk without a reason (meaning they were workers at a shop or place we stopped at). So that says something too....maybe.....

The thing that I found most interesting was that TheKing had this solidarity with these people that showed no interest in the rest of us. In most ways I think this is very wonderful. I always worry about sounding "stupid" when I talk about TheKing and race stuff. The desperate white mom raising the black kid. But I worry that his being raised by white parents will mark him in some way - he is African American - there are divisions for us in terms of race - they aren't all bad - it is wonderful to be connected to your heritage, your race history, your ancestors who are blood related or not - we work at trying to do that - but I still hear some say that because his family is white (and we are very much so) that he won't get that connection. Having those men and women want to be part of who he is (even with the blatant exclusion of the rest of us while we were standing right there) makes me hopeful that there will still be that connection for TheKing when he chooses to seek it out. And for that I am thankful. Sad - but thankful. Why sad? Sad because I will always be white - it won't matter what I do to bring the African American culture into our home - I will always be white. TheKing will always be African American - he will always be claimed by a group I can't experience with him. All parents want to be all things for thier kids. There is nothing different in that respect for me - I want to be all things for all three kids - but I know they will have groups and identities eventually that won't include me - as much as I try to make my nosey, buttinsky mom personality be part of it all - I won't belong to everything they become. Their experiences will be theirs. And that makes me sad and happy all at the same time.

Our Chicago trip gave TheKing some Solidarity in my eyes. He doesn't understand it yet and probably doesn't need it yet, but it looks like someday he will have it if he wants it.